How to Give the Perfect Kiss

Pro dating coaches share how to make fireworks with your kisses

There's no set formula for the perfect kiss, but there are some foolproof ways to elevate a mid kiss to a perfect kiss. It’s all about gradually increasing the passion while paying attention to how your partner reacts. We talked to professional dating coaches to help you prepare and build up to the kiss, how to nail the technique, and what to do when you’re done locking lips.

Top Tips for Kissing Better

1. Move in close to your partner.
2. Bring your mouth close to theirs.
3. Start with a soft peck on the lips.
4. Keep your lips relaxed while you open your mouth.
5. Introduce some tongue if it feels right.
6. Don’t overthink things—do what feels right!
7. Pull back after about 6 seconds before going for another kiss.

Steps

Before You Pucker Up

1. Check your fit, fix your hair, and freshen up. Before you do anything else, make yourself someone that your partner can’t resist kissing. You don't need to get a full makeover, but more often than not, a little basic grooming will do the trick.^[1] Throw on some fresh clothes, take a peek in the mirror, and make sure you’re looking your best.
   
   • For guys: Give yourself a good, close shave beforehand. Stubble often feels rough and uncomfortable to the other person and could take away from the pleasure of the kiss. A dab of cologne can also be a good idea, but don't bathe yourself in it.
   • For girls: Applying an appealing scent can also be a powerful tool. Focus mostly on lotions since these make your skin look smoother while providing a more subtle hint of fragrance. Add a hint of body spray or perfume on top of that.
2. Moisturize your lips with balm. Moist, soft lips are far more kissable than dry, cracked lips. A little basic lip care can go a long way, so if your lips are prone to drying out, start applying the lip balm before you meet up with your intended kissing partner.^[2]
   
   • That goes for you too, guys! Nobody likes kissing dry, cracked lips, so throw on some lip balm.
   • Consider glosses, lip stains, and lipsticks as well, but there are a few things to keep in mind. Avoid sticky glosses or lip products that contain glitter. Something with a little sheen can make your lips seem more kissable, but you don't want your lips to look unnaturally wet, either.
   • If you don't have time to moisten your lips before the kiss, quickly run your tongue over your lips to add a little more moisture right before the kiss. Keep in mind that doing this too much can actually dry out your lips, though.
3. Freshen your breath. No matter how far the kiss goes, your partner will inevitably end up smelling your breath. Bad breath can make an otherwise good kiss turn sour, so keep your mouth clean and your breath fresh before you lean in. Brush your teeth and swish some mouthwash beforehand.^[3]
   
   • Avoid eating foods with strong odors before the kiss like garlic, onions, curry, and so on.
   • Suck on a mint or chew some gum before the kiss if you don’t have time to brush.
   • Even better, cleanse the palette by sipping on green tea before the kiss. Some studies suggest that an odor-free kiss leaves a stronger impression than a minty one, and green tea can help freshen breath without imparting its own odor or taste.^[4]
4. Go somewhere private and ditch distractions like your phone. Dating coach Eddy Baller reminds us that in public isn’t always the greatest place for a passionate kiss.^[5] Move to a relatively private area so that the two of you can lose yourselves in the kiss without worrying about too much PDA or interruptions. And to make sure you’re not distracted, turn your phone on silent to crank up the mood.
   
   • Aside from privacy, location can also influence the mood between you. There's a reason that candlelight dinners, rain storms, and starlit camping trips can be so romantic!
   • You might say, “Hey, let’s go somewhere quiet where we can talk,” or, “Let’s go somewhere we can be alone.”
5. Make sure your partner wants to kiss. There's nothing wrong with a little spontaneity now and then, but no one will enjoy a forced kiss. Consent is a must. Baller reminds us that if you want to give the perfect kiss, you need to verify that your partner is open to receiving it.^[6]
   
   • Look for signs that indicate your partner's eagerness to be kissed: a gaze that frequently drops to your mouth, a tendency to lick his or her own lips, seemingly casual touches, and a dip in his or her tone of voice.
   • Also watch out for signs that your partner isn't interested in being kissed: eyes that dart in every direction but yours, pursed lips, tense or “closed-off” body language, and a lack of interest in personal topics of conversation.
   • When in doubt, just ask! Asking can be super hot. Say, “I want to kiss you, can I?” or just, “Can I kiss you?”

Building up to a Kiss

1. Move in close to get more intimate. Close the gap between you and your partner. The two of you should already be touching in some way before you move in for a kiss. “If you're sitting you can reach over, grab the hips,” Baller says. “Standing, same thing, you can pull her in by the hips.”^[7] This applies to women, too! Lots of men enjoy it when the woman takes the lead.
   
   • A kiss that follows an embrace can be powerful if performed while your upper halves are still touching. Even if you don't kiss following a hug, your body language should be prepped as though an embrace would be both natural and welcome.
2. Build the tension with eye contact and small touches. “You're basically building up the level of intimacy,” Baller tells us.^[8] Gaze into their eyes and hold eye contact. Use your fingers to lightly stroke the back of their hand. The perfect kiss shows both desire and tenderness, and the simplest way for you to get it right is to set the stage before you start the play.
   
   • An effective way to build desire is to plant small, soft kisses on the face, just outside of the mouth, or on the neck.
   • Gentle caresses along your partner's face have a similarly strong impact. You could even brush your fingertips along your partner's lips.
   • Gazing into your partner's eyes will make them feel more bonded to you, which will give the kiss a greater sense of intimacy when it finally does happen.
3. Test the waters with a quick kiss. When it feels right, move in slowly, bringing your lips to your partner's for a quick, light kiss. Baller says that your partner's reaction will tell you everything you need to know—most notably, whether or not you should continue.^[9] If they accept it and lean into it, that’s your green light.
   
   • If they pull away, slow down, ease back, and let them take the lead. They might restart the kiss or they might decide they don’t want to. Either way, it’s no big deal.
   • Dating coach Connell Barrett says, “When that window arises and you hear that little voice inside saying ‘it's time to kiss,’ then that's when you lean in for the kiss.”^[10]
4. Go in for the real deal. If your partner enjoyed your test run, then reach for the real thing, Baller encourages.^[11] Tilt your head slightly to the right and plant another closed-mouth kiss directly on your partner's lips, applying a little more pressure than before.
   
   • Research suggests that tilting your head to the right makes a kiss seem more caring and more meaningful. It's not a strictly necessary move, but it can make a difference in your partner's interpretation of the kiss.^[12]

Mastering Your Kissing Technique

1. Start with closed lips, then open up. After you've enjoyed those first moments of closed-mouth kissing, try a few kisses with your lips parted. If your partner finds the kiss as enjoyable as you do, he or she will probably follow your lead and open up as well. Don’t use your tongue just yet—just part your lips and see how your partner reacts.^[13]
   
   • When you first move into an open-mouth kiss, do so in the middle of a closed-mouth kiss. Bring your closed lips to your partner's, then slowly part your lips while they're still locked with his or hers.
   • For every open-mouth kiss—including French kisses—keep your lips soft and relaxed. Don’t open your mouth too much, though, or things could get sloppy.
2. Introduce a little tongue. Now it’s time to up the ante and get a little more passionate.^[14] If things have been going well and you want to progress to a French kiss, give your partner a subtle indication of your intent. Lightly run the tip of your tongue over your partner's bottom lip.
   
   • While there is no set time limit, this exploratory stage should usually last around 30 seconds. If your partner doesn't like the sensation of your tongue, by that point, you'll know it.
3. Keep reading the mood. “You want to match your partner,” Baller tells us, “so whatever [their] movements are, it's gonna be like the yin and yang, the way they fit together nicely like that.^[15] You might be losing yourself in the kiss, but that doesn't necessarily mean that your partner feels the same way. If your partner is sending signals that he or she wants the moment to end, let it end. There's no sense in forcing something that is no longer wanted.
   
   • The simplest thing to remember is this: if your partner moves into your kiss, you're in good shape. If your partner tries to back away from your kiss, he or she is trying to put an end to it.
4. Start exploring with your tongue. Barrett says it’s all about a gradual escalation.^[16] If your partner is vibing with the tongue, push it a little further. Use your tongue to explore and gently stroke the inside of your partner's mouth, but don't be too invasive about it. The idea is to touch sensitive nerves in the mouth to enhance the experience, but that purpose gets lost if you suffocate your partner with too much at once.
   
   • Touch tongues, run your tongue along their lips, and let their tongue enter your own mouth.
5. Try a little nibbling and sucking. Take your partner's lower lip in between your lips and gently suck on it for a few seconds before letting go. Similarly, you can also try a gentle nibble on your partner's lower lip for a few seconds.^[17]
   
   • As with French kissing, less is more when it comes to nibbling and sucking. Be gentle about it. The idea is to cause a small enough sensation to release more endorphins or feel-good hormones, but you don't want to leave a mark when you're done.
6. Mix things up. There’s no law that says you can’t throw in a closed-mouth kiss after you’ve opened up. Adding a little variety can make the kiss more exciting.^[18] Alternate slow kisses with quick kisses, and light kisses with aggressive kisses. Doing so introduces a slight element of surprise to the experience, which can make the experience more exciting for both of you. Remember, though, take your time!^[19]
   
   • If your kisses are all over the place, it can be a little awkward. If you’re gonna mix things up, linger on each technique—open, closed, quick, slow—for at least 10 seconds.
7. Use your hands to enhance the experience. The best kisses are a full-body experience. As the kiss deepens, draw your partner in even closer than before. Your hands should do their own share of exploring—just remember not to cross any boundaries that your partner might not be ready to cross. Baller suggests cupping their chin or pulling them into a close hug.^[20]
   
   • Use your hands to caress your partner's neck, sides, or back. You could also run your fingers through your partner's hair.
   • If you have trouble keeping your hands in motion, then at least settle for a tight, secure embrace.
8. Kiss other places to give your partner a little break. Your partner's lips aren't the only place you can kiss once things get more passionate. The neck, in particular, is a good area to switch to once things heat up, Baller says.^[21] Also kiss their chin, above their lips, under their jaw, or even just their cheek.
   
   • Try zeroing in on the area between your partner's throat and chin. The skin is thinner there, which means that the nerves are closer together. As a result, the sensory receptors respond more favorably to a kiss planted in that area.
   • This also gives you both a chance to breathe, which is crucial!
9. Don’t think too much and let the kiss take control. “First date, first kiss, just suck it up. That's it. Don't question it,” says dating coach Imad Jbara.^[22] And if it’s not your first date or first kiss, then that’s more reason not to worry! Ultimately, there comes a point where you need to trust your instincts more than anything else. Don't try to control a kiss. The chemistry between you and your partner will do most of the work. You just need to interpret that chemistry and act accordingly.
   
   • It’s not always easy to believe, but trust us when we say that the kiss will take over. At some point, it’ll come naturally, and you won’t have to think about it.
10. Take your time and enjoy it. Jbara recommends patience!^[23] With each kiss, linger for a moment before pulling your lips away. Hesitating before you move away suggests that you don't want the kiss to end. This demonstration of desire is more likely to grow your partner's desire, as well, leading to a more satisfying kissing experience.
    
    • Taking your time lets your partner know that you value the moment just as much as you value the sense of physical pleasure derived from the kiss. This sort of emotional intimacy is what strengthens the intensity of the kiss.

How long should a kiss last?

1. Six seconds is a great starting duration for each kiss. It’s a tough question, because every kiss is different! As a rule of thumb, though, if you want to give a real fireworks kiss, let your lips touch for 6 seconds before pulling away.^[24] Then, what happens next is up to you. Maybe the moment is over, or maybe you go in for another kiss, and another, and another.
   • Again, it depends! If you’re kissing with tongue, each kiss might last longer. If you’re just giving a quick, casual kiss, then less than 6 seconds is fine. Do what feels right.

What to Do After a Kiss

1. Tell them you enjoyed it. “If the kiss is good, then let [them] know!” dating coach Laura Bilotta says. “Tell them that they're a good kisser.”^[25] This makes a great transition into whatever comes next, especially if you’re just talking afterward. It also tells them that you appreciate them, and suggests you want to do it again.
   • Say, “That was nice. You’re good at this,” or, “Wow. That was incredible,” or, “That was as good as I imagined it’d be.”
   • If you’re familiar with this person and plan to kiss them more, you might also give gentle, constructive feedback, like, “I don’t love having my tongue bitten, but I love it when you nibble my lip.”
2. Keep talking if things are just casual. If moving things to the bedroom isn’t in the plans—like if this is a first date, or you’re out in public—then Bilotta says to just enjoy some conversation. “Continue chatting and showing interest in them, either pick up the conversation where you left off or start on a new topic,” she says.^[26]
   • Don’t be afraid of a little awkwardness—that’s part of the intimacy! Being awkward together can be fun.
   • Or, just cuddle up to them and bask in the afterglow! You don’t have to say anything if it doesn’t feel natural.
3. Get more intimate, if that’s the vibe. Remember, kissing isn’t a free pass to sex.^[27] But if this is someone you’re sexually intimate with, then now’s the time to make your move. If you’re already somewhere private, then turn up the heat by kissing other, more private places.
   • If you’re not somewhere private, then suggest going somewhere you can enjoy yourselves. Say, “I’d like to do more of that, if you want to come back to my place.”

What’s the 90/10 rule of kissing?

1. The 90/10 rule says that a man goes 90% of the way. It’s an idea from the romcom movie Hitch. In the movie, one character explains that the secret to initiating a kiss is that the man goes 90% of the way, stops, and then lets the woman follow through on the last 10%. That pause before the lips touch builds intimacy and lets the woman make the final move.^[28]
   • It’s a great idea, but if this isn’t your first rodeo with someone, feel free to mix it up. The only rule when it comes to kissing is consent.

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Related wikiHows

• Kiss Your Partner's Neck
• Give a Girl a Kiss She Will Never Forget
• Have a Memorable First Kiss
• Kiss Passionately
• French Kiss

References

Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/modern-minds/202309/a-perfect-kiss-the-truth-behind-this-loving-and-sexy-signal
2. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-get-rid-of-chapped-lips
3. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/romance/how-to-kiss-better/
4. ↑ http://www.menshealth.co.uk/sex/mens-health-dating/perfect-your-first-kiss-techniques-232471
5. ↑ [v161265_b01]. 7 February 2020.
6. ↑ [v161265_b01]. 7 February 2020.
7. ↑ [v161265_b01]. 7 February 2020.
8. ↑ [v161265_b01]. 7 February 2020.
9. ↑ [v161265_b01]. 7 February 2020.
10. ↑ [v161181_b01]. 2 April 2021.
11. ↑ [v161265_b01]. 7 February 2020.
12. ↑ https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-017-04942-9
13. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/married-and-still-doing-it/201512/seven-dos-and-donts-for-the-perfect-new-years-eve-kiss
14. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/romance/how-to-kiss-better/
15. ↑ [v161265_b01]. 7 February 2020.
16. ↑ [v161181_b01]. 2 April 2021.
17. ↑ http://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/kissing-tips-and-techniques?fullpage=true
18. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/modern-minds/202309/a-perfect-kiss-the-truth-behind-this-loving-and-sexy-signal
19. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/romance/how-to-kiss-better/
20. ↑ [v161265_b01]. 7 February 2020.
21. ↑ [v161265_b01]. 7 February 2020.
22. ↑ [v161232_b01]. 5 November 2019.
23. ↑ [v161232_b01]. 5 November 2019.
24. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happy-healthy-relationships/202207/how-long-should-a-great-kiss-last
25. ↑ [v161292_b02]. 26 February 2020.
26. ↑ [v161292_b02]. 26 February 2020.
27. ↑ https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19533967/kissing-tips-and-techniques/
28. ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/one-of-the-best-definitions-of-consent-ive-ever-seen-is-in-hitch