How to Forgive

When someone hurts you, it can feel good to hang onto the anger and resentment that may bubble up after their actions. However, forgiving others can actually benefit you both mentally and physically, and it can help you move on from thinking about what the other person did.^[1] Forgiving yourself for hurting someone else is another tough task, and it can feel even harder than forgiving a friend or family member. With a little bit of patience and compassion, you can learn to forgive yourself or others and move on from feeling angry, hurt, or resentful.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Understanding Forgiveness

1. What forgiving is: a willingness to move on from an injustice you went through. Forgiving someone is a tough decision to make, and it doesn’t happen instantly. While you can consciously decide to forgive someone, it may take some time to process your emotions and actually come to terms with your situation.^[2]
   
   • Contrary to the popular saying, you don’t have to “forgive and forget.” While you can forgive someone, it might be harder to forget what they did to you entirely, especially if it really hurt you.
2. What forgiving isn’t: excusing the other person’s behavior. If you have to forgive someone, you were probably really hurt by something they said or did. Just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean that you’re saying their actions were okay or justifiable, and it’s important that you express that as you forgive.^[3]
   
   • If the person is truly sorry, they’ll change their behavior to try avoid hurting you in the future.
3. Consider why you want to forgive this person. Forgiveness is a decision that should be made thoughtfully, especially if someone did something seriously wrong. Take time to think through your feelings and your reasoning, to better understand the situation.^[4]
   
   • You want to resolve your own feelings of anger, confusion, or hurt.
   • You value your relationship with them, and believe that forgiving them is worth it.
   • They've shown a willingness to change their behavior, and you want to try again.
4. Avoid giving someone too many chances. You may choose to forgive someone once, twice, or three times. But if they are repeatedly and knowingly hurting you, or if they have done something extremely terrible, then you should consider protecting yourself. If someone has shown that they will mistreat you again and again, or that they are willing to do you serious harm, then you need to protect your own well-being.^[5]
   
   • For example, you can forgive an abusive father and choose not to talk to him ever again, because you know he would mistreat you.
   • For example, if your girlfriend yells at you and then apologizes and says she's working on controlling her temper, then you might decide to forgive her and continue dating her. If your girlfriend screams horrible abuse at you, or hits you, then you need to protect yourself and escape the relationship.
5. Choose to forgive because you want to, not because you have to. Forgiveness should be chosen freely, not reluctantly or under pressure. Forgiveness is a choice that you make for yourself, so don't let other people's ideas of what you "should" do pressure you into doing something that feels premature or just not right.^[6][7]
   
   • If you aren't ready to forgive someone, you don't have to do it yet. If anyone pressures you, say "I'm not ready to forgive yet."
   • You do not owe forgiveness to anyone else. If you do not want to forgive them, that is your choice.
6. Take the time to process your emotions. Sometimes, it takes a while to untangle all your feelings and figure out what to do. That's okay. Give yourself time and space to process. Helpful processing tools include:^[8]
   
   • Write in a journal about it.
   • Talk to a mentor or trusted person about the situation.
   • Express your feelings through artwork.
   • Spend some time focusing on something else, and come back later.

[Edit]Forgiving Others

1. Think about the health of the relationship and how much you value it. This is especially important if the harm done was a big. Is this relationship worth fighting for? Is it usually more good than bad? Do you believe that both of you can learn and overcome this with time and work? Take some time to think it over.
   
   • If you value the relationship, then use those feelings to help you commit to being brave and facing the issue.
   • If you believe the relationship mostly drags you down, it's okay to decide to part ways or to limit contact. You can forgive them while doing what's best for yourself.
2. Reach out to reconnect with a person you want to keep a relationship with. As life gets busy, it is difficult to stay in touch with friends. When a conflict has occurred to push people apart, that connection becomes even harder to salvage. If you want to forgive someone, then take the first step in the process by reaching out. This act alone will help you to feel more open and optimistic.^[9]
   
   • It is always difficult to take the first step, and sometimes you need to give yourself a push. Simply tell yourself, "Here we go," and pick up the phone and make contact.
3. Ask to be heard. Whether you decide to set up a face-to-face meeting with the person, or communicate via telephone or electronic device, the goal is the same: ask the person for time to express your thoughts and feelings about the conflict.^[10]
   
   • Assure the person that you are open and willing to hear what she has to say as well. This will allow the person to feel more open about the forthcoming discussion.^[11]
   • If the person refuses to meet with you, do not despair. There are things you can do to move toward forgiveness regardless of whether the person complies. The act of forgiveness is designed to help you in the end. For example, use writing instead of direct contact to express your feelings and thoughts about the person. Writing in a journal helps to process your feelings and is effective.
4. Discuss the issue. Some discussions in life are harder to have than others. When a conflict has occurred and negative feelings have grown, it is difficult to start the conversation. The goal would be to frame the conversation and guide it toward a peaceful resolution to manage the hurt and disappointment you are feeling.^[12]
   
   • First, thank the person for meeting with you.
   • Second, tell the person your goal is to hear each other's side of the story and come to some peaceful resolution so you both can move on.
   • Third, tell your side of the story. Make "I" statements to describe your thoughts and feelings, without making accusations.
   • Fourth, ask the person if there is anything else you can clarify for him before he provides the details of his side of the story.
   • Fifth, ask the person questions that will give you the necessary information to understand his intent, motives, thoughts and feelings.
5. Apologize for your own mistakes. Most every conflict involves a misunderstanding or misconception of what someone did or said. There are things that you must do to loosen the tension in the situation. Taking responsibility for your role is an act that fosters the open communication that you want, and is necessary to reach a resolution.
   
6. Accept the other person’s apology. If you have discussed the situation and the person has extended a sincere apology, then accept it. Even if you have to force yourself to say the words, “I accept your apology,” this is a large step toward creating a sense of forgiveness for yourself. Here are some examples of things you could say:
   
   • "I accept your apology, and I forgive you."
   • "I appreciate you saying that. Friends?"
   • "Thank you for apologizing. I don't know if I'm ready to forgive you yet, but I will work on it. Please give me some time."
7. Show your willingness to move forward.^[13] If you must or want to maintain a relationship with this person, then your behaviors must demonstrate that you are serious. Your relationship will improve when you go through the process of forgiveness. This includes not holding grudges and bringing up the past. It also includes your willingness to laugh and be lighthearted around the person. Moving past a conflict is a huge relief, so let that motivate your actions.^[14]
   
   • As time passes and progress is made, you may notice you are still allowing feelings of betrayal to affect the way you treat the person. Perhaps it happens during heated arguments or discussions. You may not have processed your hurt feelings and still have some work to do. This is a normal reaction and can be managed by talking about your feelings with the person involved, or someone else.
8. Pay attention to whether they're changing their behavior. Have you given them the chance to change, by letting them know their actions hurt you? If so, are they working to adjust their behavior, or are they doing it again without caring how it's affecting you?^[15]
   
   • For example, say that your sister made fun of your nose, and you told her that it hurt your feelings, you should pay attention to whether or not she does it again.
   • A forgetful person may need a reminder now and then, especially if they've had a bad habit for a while. But if you remind them you're not okay with this, they should take you seriously and stop it the first time you ask.

[Edit]Forgiving Yourself

1. Accept what you did and why it was wrong. Instead of making excuses for yourself, try to recognize that what you did wasn’t okay and why you shouldn’t do it again. If you wouldn’t excuse it from someone else, you shouldn’t let yourself off the hook, either.^[16]
   
   • It’s easy to make excuses for yourself since you know yourself the best.
2. Recognize your flaws. All humans have flaws, and you’re no exception. Think about what you did and which flaws in your character made you do it. This will not only help you reflect on why you did what you did, but it can help you avoid situations like it in the future.^[17]
   
   • For example, if you lied to a friend and said you were busy when you actually weren’t, you may have issues with letting people down.
   • Or, if you cheated on a test, you might be struggling in school or need extra time to study.
3. Apologize to anyone you have wronged. If your actions hurt someone that you care about, reach out to them and apologize. There’s no guarantee that they’ll accept your apology, but it can help mend the gap between you two and start the process of reconciliation.^[18]
   
   • You could say something like, “Hey, I know I hurt you the other day when I lied, and I just wanted to reach out and see if you’re up to talking about it.”
4. Say the words, “I forgive myself.” While you might feel a little silly, speaking your forgiveness out loud can help you process and move on. When you feel like you’ve done all you can to make up for your actions, go ahead and forgive yourself for your mistake. Chances are, you’ll think a little harder before you make a mistake like that in the future.^[19]
   
   • Think about every mistake you make as a lesson learned that could benefit you in the future.
5. Find a therapist if you're struggling to cope. If you are having difficulty forgiving yourself and it is impacting your life in a negative way, perhaps it is time to seek professional help from a counselor or therapist. Therapies intended to promote forgiveness have been successful in helping people overcome past hurts and achieve peace and resolution.^[20]
   
   • You can get a referral or suggestion from your physician, health insurance company, or a trusted family member or friend. However, if that is not feasible, contact your local department of mental health about counseling options.
   • If you feel you and your therapist are not a good fit, look for a different therapist. Every therapist is different and finding one with whom you feel comfortable is essential.
   • Try a therapist who practices cognitive behavioral therapy. Your therapist will help examine and dispel the negative thought patterns that you have developed.

[Edit]Moving On

1. Practice empathy and compassion. Both empathy and compassion can be learned. As with any new skill, you need to practice. If you are able to treat people the way you would like to be treated, you are more than half-way there.^[21]
   
   • Take the opportunity to practice compassion when out in public. If you see someone struggling getting into the doorway of a store, rush to open it. If you see someone that looks like she is having a bad day, smile and say hello. Your goal is to allow others to feel the impact of your good deeds.
   • Expand your empathy by talking and, most importantly, listening to people outside your social circle. Try to strike up a conversation with a stranger once a week. If talking to a stranger is hard, then try reading blogs of people with different life experiences than yours. Go beyond small talk and try to (respectfully) inquire about their lives and experiences. This will broaden your worldview and help you become more understanding of others.^[22]
2. Question and adjust your perspective. You have probably been holding strong beliefs about a situation in which you were wronged by someone. Many times a person's perspective is askew and needs to return to a balanced state. It is important to keep things in perspective, especially if yours is causing you harm.^[23]
   
   • Is this important? Will I care about it 6 months or 6 years from now?
   • Is this worth my time?
   • Could I be jumping to conclusions? Could there be circumstances I'm not aware of?
   • Is this issue important to me, or should I just let it go?
   • Are my feelings or behavior holding me back from better things?
3. Make a list of the benefits of letting go of resentment. Think about how feelings of resentment might be shaping your life now, and how letting go could change things. Here are some things you might consider for the list:^[24]
   
   • I can stop lying awake in bed, playing and replaying imaginary conversations in my head. Instead, I'll just sleep.
   • I can stop feeling like a victim, and start feeling empowered to control my own life.
   • I can say goodbye to a bad chapter of my life, and start focusing on creating a good one.
   • I can focus less on this person's past mistakes, and focus more on rebuilding a stronger relationship.
   • I can remember what happened without feeling helpless, and use the knowledge of what went wrong to help me spot and avoid similar problems in the future.
4. Try moving from resentment to gratitude. Over time, work on letting go of resentment, and looking for the upsides to the situation. Strong feelings are natural at first, but they can become toxic if you hold onto them forever. If you catch yourself falling into a trap of negativity, work on finding the good parts. This can help you reframe things and feel more positively about your life. Here are some examples:^[25]
   
   • "I'm glad that I've finally finished the semester, so I don't have to deal with that difficult professor again. She is not my problem anymore."
   • "I'm thankful that my dad and my therapist are supporting me while I leave this abusive relationship."
   • "I'm glad that my mom was willing to listen and take me seriously when I said her criticism was damaging our relationship. I hope this will be the start of a positive change."
   • "I'm so happy that I have another chance to find love after I left behind a bad relationship."
   • "I'm glad that I get another chance with my boyfriend, and that he's making an effort to change his habits to treat me better. Things can become better than they were."
   • "I don't regret cutting contact with my toxic father. I'm so much happier now that he's not part of my life."
5. Appreciate the learning experiences. People and opportunities come into your life to teach you something. Each experience prepares us to be smarter and more in tune with what we want out of life. We learn from the good and the bad.^[26]
   
   • "I learned that it's not always a good idea to give a loan to friends, because it can hurt the relationship."
   • "I learned that not everyone is as careful with things as I am, so I should probably not lend treasured items to people who tend to break things."
   • "I've learned to interview potential roommates, so I can make sure that our lifestyles are a decent match."
   • "I learned to assume ignorance before malice. Sometimes people don't realize they're hurting my feelings."
   • "I learned that I can count on my dad to have my back during a crisis."
   • "I learned that I'm stronger than I thought I was."

[Edit]Tips

• Sometimes it helps to think of how others have forgiven under incredible circumstances. Ask friends for support and examples to motivate you toward forgiveness.
• Forgiveness is hard, but living with a grudge is even harder.

[Edit]Related wikiHows

• Accept an Apology
• Forgive Yourself
• Forgive a Cheater
• Forgive Someone
• Recognize a Controlling Person
• Forgive Yourself After Hurting Someone
• Let Go of Past Hurts

[Edit]References

[Edit]Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/eight_keys_to_forgiveness
2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/inviting-monkey-tea/201803/what-is-forgiveness-and-how-do-you-do-it
3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/inviting-monkey-tea/201803/what-is-forgiveness-and-how-do-you-do-it
4. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692
5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/presence-mind/201411/12-signs-youre-giving-too-much
6. ↑ [v161025_b01]. 7 August 2019.
7. ↑ https://www.anniewright.com/forgiveness-why-you-dont-need-or-have-to-forgive-anyone-if-you-dont-want-or-feel-ready-to/
8. ↑ https://hbr.org/2016/11/3-ways-to-better-understand-your-emotions
9. ↑ https://www.girlshealth.gov/relationships/conflict/index.html
10. ↑ https://www.girlshealth.gov/relationships/conflict/index.html
11. ↑ [v161025_b01]. 7 August 2019.
12. ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2017/01/ce-corner
13. ↑ [v161025_b01]. 7 August 2019.
14. ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692
15. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692
16. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/202006/healing-guilt-7-steps-self-forgiveness
17. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/eight_keys_to_forgiveness
18. ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2016/09/ce-corner
19. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/202006/healing-guilt-7-steps-self-forgiveness
20. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/202006/healing-guilt-7-steps-self-forgiveness
21. ↑ [v161025_b01]. 7 August 2019.
22. ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/six_habits_of_highly_empathic_people1
23. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692
24. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/201605/how-do-you-forgive-even-when-it-feels-impossible-part-2
25. ↑ [v161025_b01]. 7 August 2019.
26. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/eight_keys_to_forgiveness

How to Improve Motivation

If you're struggling to find motivation, you're not alone. We all get stuck sometimes and have a hard time finding the focus and drive we need to get moving again. The good news is that there are easy things you can do today to increase your motivation immediately and in the long term. To help you out, we've compiled a variety of ways you can increase motivation and find the inspiration you need to start checking things off your to-do list.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Working Towards Goals

1. Keep your goals small and measurable. It’s great to have big goals for yourself, but you need to shrink them down in order to make them easier to accomplish. Break your larger goals down into small goals. Then identify criteria to help you measure them.^[1]
   
   • For example, your big goal might be to publish a novel. You could set yourself a small goal of creating an outline or finishing a chapter. This goal is easy to measure because it’ll be complete when the outline or chapter is finished.
   • Similarity, your big goal might be to run a marathon. You might set a small goal of running a 5K. You could measure this goal by tracking how far you run every day or by signing up for a race.
2. Create an action plan for your goals. You can create an overall plan to reach your big goal, or you can narrow it down to your small goals. Include what you want to achieve, the steps you will take to achieve it, and how you will measure success.
   
   • For example, your big goal could be to run a marathon, and your small goals could consist of running a mile, running a 5K, running a 10K, and running a half marathon.
   • Don’t get bogged down in the details. Write out a basic framework for your action plan, then get started working toward your goals. You can always change or add to the plan later.
   • Keep it basic with a brief outline. You don’t need to plan every detail. For example, you could start your marathon action plan by just focusing on the steps you need to take to run a complete mile, such as buy new shoes, download a running app, and run 3 times a week.
3. Display your action plan where you can see it every day. You can post them in your home, place them in your planner, or make them your digital wallpaper. Refer to it daily to see if you’re on track. It’s okay to get behind sometimes, but your action plan can get you back on track.^[2]
   
   • Try posting your plan on your refrigerator.
   • If you have a workspace, post your plan there.
   • Choose a place that’s easy for you to reference.
4. Connect hard tasks and obstacles back to their purpose. This helps you push through and keep going when things are tough. Every goal comes with hard work and obstacles, and it’s normal for motivation to decrease. You can stay motivated by giving these difficult times more purpose.^[3]
   
   • For example, running bleachers at your local track may not be fun, but they can improve your physical condition to help your athletic performance.
   • Similarly, getting a lot of criticism on a poem you wrote may make you feel discouraged, but it can help you improve the poem and grow as a writer.
5. Track your progress. Seeing how far you’ve come can be a huge motivator! Keep track of all of your accomplishments, both great and small. Even a single step toward your goal is progress, so give yourself that credit!
   
   • Write down all of your achievements so that you can read over them when you feel discouraged.
   • You could also create a visual reminder of your progress. If your goal is to run a marathon, you might put up a poster with a trail on it. Divide the trail into 26.2 separate sections. Each time you increase your running distance, color in another section.
6. Reward yourself for hard work and persistence. Rewards encourage you to stay on track toward your goal. Choose a reward that appeals to you. If possible, choose something that helps you work toward your goals. Here are some great ideas:
   
   • You could reward sticking to a goal of writing every day by treating yourself to a new notebook.
   • Get a massage to reward yourself for meeting your running goals.
   • Enjoy a special meal with friends after turning down plans so that you can work on your goal.
   • Take a bubble bath.
   • Buy a set of weight gloves to celebrate your kickboxing progress.
   • Treat yourself to a yoga session.
   • Enjoy a good book.
7. Do something you enjoy every day. Even working toward something you love can feel overwhelming, so take time for yourself. Spend at least a few minutes every day treating yourself to something you love, whether it’s an episode of your favorite TV show, a favorite treat, or coffee with a friend. This will help you stay motivated when times get tough.
   
8. Prepare yourself for setbacks. Setbacks are part of life, and they happen to everyone. They don’t mean that you’re a failure! Make a brief plan for how you’ll overcome any obstacles that arrive, and remind yourself that you can do it.
   
   • For example, your plan may be to talk to a friend that motivates you, take a day to brainstorm solutions, and then complete a small task that can help you complete your goal.
   • Say to yourself, “This is all part of the journey. I can overcome this obstacle just like I’ve overcome them in the past.”

[Edit]Creating the Right Mindset

1. Choose a mantra or set of mantras that motivate you. You can create a mantra yourself or use a quote. Make a habit of saying your mantra aloud at scheduled times during the day, such as when you wake up, at lunch, or right before bed. It’s also helpful to post your mantras.^[4]
   
   • Examples of great mantras include “Every day is a new beginning and a chance for change,” “I’m strong, powerful, and can achieve my goals,” and “If I believe it, I can achieve it.”
   • If you want to post your mantras, you can use something basic like post-it notes, or you can opt for art prints that incorporate the quote. Post them on your refrigerator, near your bathroom mirror, or on the walls of your home. Choose a place where you'll see them every day.
   • Focus on saying your mantra over and over again, even if it doesn't feel true to you. Using mantras is twofold—it's saying it to your yourself, but also practicing, embodying, and living into that mantra.^[5]
2. Use positive self-talk. Everyone has an internal voice, and it’s not always friendly. Turning that voice toward the positive, however, can change your life for the better. You can do this by catching negative thoughts and reframing them in a positive way. Additionally, consciously tell yourself positive things about yourself, your life, and your goals.^[6]
   
   • For example, your mind may say to you, “You’re not good enough.” You can switch this around and say, “I am good enough, but sometimes I get overwhelmed when faced with challenges. Tomorrow things will look different.”
   • In general, tell yourself things like, “I’m proud of myself for working hard every day,” “I’ve accomplished a lot, and the best is yet to come,” and “I know I can do this if I keep working hard.”
3. Boost your confidence via an accomplishment. This is especially helpful for people with long-term goals. Complete a mini-goal that’s related to your long-term goal, or try something that’s always intimidated you. Keep in mind that accomplishing something can mean just giving it a try.^[7]
   
   • For example, if your goal is to perform your own music, you could boost your confidence by participating in an open mic night.
   • If you’re feeling like you’re in a life rut, you could accomplish something bold from your bucket list, such as skydiving. This will give you a sense of control over what you’re doing with your life, which helps your motivation.
4. Reframe activities that you don’t enjoy. It’s normal to not enjoy parts of your journey toward your goal. You may love your job but hate parts of your workday, or you might want to run a cross-country marathon but hate running hills. You can alter your perception of something by imagining it getting dimmer and then inserting new emotions about it. For example, imagine that your stress about deadlines is fading away, then imagine how good you feel when you finish a project^[8]
   
   • Focus on the aspects of these activities that you enjoy or that benefit you. For example, running up hills may be difficult, but it also gives you a better view of the landscape.
   • One way to do this is to focus on what you are actually doing and feeling while you do the activities you don’t enjoy. For example, you may hate work meetings, but you could focus on the change of scenery, the opportunity to chat with your coworkers, or the chance to make a good impression on your boss.^[9]
5. Connect with others who share your goals. Make friends who are on a similar journey as you, or join a group for like-minded individuals. They can be awesome motivators to stay on track, and they may even have useful advice for times when you’re struggling.
   
   • Look for like-minded friends online or at places related to your goal. For example, you could attend an open mic night to meet other aspiring musicians.
   • You can also look for groups on sites like meetup.com.
   • Don’t spend time with people who are dragging you down. Instead, choose your motivators.
6. Compare yourself to past you, not others. It’s so tempting to compare yourself to other people, but this is always a mistake. No matter how well you are doing, you will always rank yourself second. It’s better to compare yourself to you! Consider where you were in the past and where you are now. Try to be better than past you was.
   
   • When you catch yourself comparing yourself to others, remind yourself that you’re likely seeing their highlight reel -- not the nitty gritty of every day. The only fair comparison is between you and yourself.
   • Make a list of your positive traits and accomplishments to remind yourself of how far you’ve already come!
7. Make a gratitude list. By acknowledging everything you have to be grateful for, you can create the positive mindset you need to stay motivated. Write down everything good in your life, especially the things you’ve worked hard to get. Post your list somewhere you can see it, such as on your refrigerator or on your phone’s lockscreen.^[10]>
   
   • It’s best to make gratitude lists often. You might even write down 3-5 things you’re grateful for every day.
   • Over time, your gratitude list will make you feel more positive about your life, which helps improve your motivation to keep working toward what’s important to you.

[Edit]Beating Procrastination

1. Spend time working on your goal every day. When you’re actively working toward your goal, your body releases dopamine, which is the hormone that helps you take action. Luckily, you can increase your dopamine with even a small amount of progress. Even if you can only spend 15 minutes working toward your goal on a given day, you’ll see results.^[11]
   
2. Avoid overthinking about your work and goals. Thinking too much can actually be counterproductive for two reasons. First, it keeps you in your head, preventing you from taking action. Second, it results in you thinking up possible problems that will likely never come to pass. When you catch yourself getting buried in your thoughts, take action, starting with a small task. Checking off that task will get you back on track.^[12]
   
   • When you start to overthink, write down what’s on your mind, then try to create a to-do list so that you can get to work. You may not be able to address all of your concerns today, but you can make some progress.
3. Build your routines around your goals. Whether you’re working on personal or professional goals, it’s important to have routines. Get into the habit of setting aside blocks of time to accomplish the tasks you need to do.^[13]
   
   • For example, get up early every day to work on your goal, such as going for an early morning run or spending an hour working on your manuscript.
   • Start your workday the same way each day. For example, you might check off the easiest things on your to-do list that day, respond to emails, or create a daily action plan.
   • Develop a post-lunch habit that helps you get back on track. For example, you could schedule all of your meetings for right after lunch to help you immediately get back on task.
4. Take control over your own schedule. People and other responsibilities will demand parts of your time. It’s up to you to balance your schedule to ensure that you have time for everything. That means that sometimes you will need to say “no” to some things to make time for others. Don’t live your life according to what others want -- spend your time doing what’s important to you.
   
   • Schedule appointments with yourself so that you can pursue personal goals. You can also use this time to do things that make you happy.
5. Learn to say "no" to things you don’t want to do. When someone asks for your time and it conflicts with working toward your goal, it’s okay to say no without guilt. Set boundaries to protect your time, and practice saying “no” to people. When the time comes, give the person a compliment and then gently turn them down.
   
   • Say, “Your Halloween party sounds so fun, but I’ve already committed to something that day.”
   • You don’t have to explain why you aren’t going, so don’t feel pressured to justify your decision.
6. Ask for help if you need it. Sometimes you might find yourself procrastinating because you’ve encountered a difficulty, such as a hard task or a lack of resources. When this happens, ask for help! Everyone needs help sometimes.
   
   • For example, you may need the person you live with to cut you some slack around the house so that you can meet a deadline.
   • You might ask your running friends for help staying hydrated during long runs.
   • You could borrow a piece of equipment that you need.

[Edit]Help Finding Motivation

Examples of Positive vs. Negative Self Talk

Examples of Positive vs. Negative Self Talk

Fun Rewards for Meeting Your Goals

Fun Rewards for Meeting Your Goals

Motivation Mantras

Motivation Mantras

[Edit]Tips

• Working toward a goal and celebrating the small achievements along the way may help sustain your motivation.
• Steady progress can lead to the desire to create new and more challenging goals.
• As you enjoy success, your motivation will increase and you may not only meet but exceed your goals.
• Your goals might also change slightly as you complete steps towards your main goal.

[Edit]Related wikiHows

• Sustain Motivation when You're Struggling
• Be Self Motivated
• Get Motivated
• Accomplish a Goal
• Stay Focused

[Edit]References

[Edit]Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/goal-setting/
2. ↑ https://www.berkeleywellbeing.com/life-planning.html
3. ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/physical-activity-staying-motivated
4. ↑ https://learningcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/motivation/
5. ↑ [v161450_b01]. 30 June 2020.
6. ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/positive-self-talk/
7. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-be-confident/
8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-fitness/201311/the-importance-allowing-yourself-relax
9. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/boost-your-motivation-in-6-ways#how-to-boost-motivation
10. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/gratitude-practice.html
11. ↑ https://store.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/d7/priv/sma16-4958.pdf
12. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/stop-overthinking/
13. ↑ https://www.northshore.org/healthy-you/how-to-start-a-new-routine-and-stick-to-it/