How to Ask Better Questions

Learn how to impress everyone with more thoughtful questions

Asking questions is essential to communication. But many people don’t always ask the right kinds of questions, and as a result they miss out on a lot of important details. Fortunately, asking questions, like anything else, is a skill that can be cultivated. Seeing the world around you more clearly starts with having an understanding of what you’re looking for when exchanging the sort of insights that lead to real discoveries. Before you ask a question, it’s worth thinking about what you hope to gain and how you can present it to arrive at the information you’re lacking.

How to Ask Great Questions: Quick Tips

1. Have a purpose for asking each question and what you want from the answer.
2. Choose the person with the most expertise to ask your question.
3. Keep your question brief and to the point.
4. Listen with your full attention when the person answers.
5. Ask follow-up questions based on their answers to deepen the conversation.

Steps

How to Ask Questions That Have Weight

1. Be willing to ask.^[1] Many people are hesitant to ask questions because they’re afraid it will make them look uninformed. When you request an explanation or clarification, however, it only furthers your understanding. Think of good questions as tools for making sense of the world around you.^[2]
   
   • If you're embarrassed to ask a question in front of others, consider doing it through an impersonal format like email, or wait for a time when you can do it privately.
   • Asking the right questions at the right time is a characteristic of strong leaders.^[3]
2. Have a clear purpose in mind. Before you pose a question, consider what you hope to gain by asking. Are you gathering information in order to make a critical decision, or looking for feedback on something you’ve done? Thinking about exactly what you want to accomplish will help you refine your line of questioning, which will in turn result in more satisfying answers.^[4]
   
   • Ask yourself, “What do I hope to learn by asking this question?” This will help you formulate the question more effectively.
3. Ask relevant and appropriate questions. There may be certain times when it’s better to keep your questions to yourself. It may be that the question could cause confusion or offense, or that the answer is something you could figure out on your own with the right context clues. Mull your question over carefully and consider what, if anything, it will add to the conversation.^[5]
   
   • If the question you’re about to ask is one you wouldn’t feel comfortable answering yourself, it might be better to let it go.
   • Redundant or obvious questions can distract from the big picture, and may make it seem like you’re not paying attention.
4. Ask the right person. Not everyone has the same feelings, experiences or expertise. If the answer you receive is to be of any use to you, it needs to come from an authoritative source. Address your question to someone who you think might be able to offer the insights you’re looking for, or who has a direct connection to the subject you’re inquiring about.^[6]
   
   • You wouldn’t ask your spouse how to treat acute bronchitis, just as you wouldn’t ask your doctor how you can be a better listener during arguments.
   • By directing your questions judiciously, you stand to make the discussion more enriching for both parties.

How to Ask an Effective Question

1. Ask the question as soon as it comes to you. It’s usually best to get your question out there while it’s still fresh on your mind. That way, you won’t forget it or feel bashful about asking later. You’ll also be given a chance to clarify key information before moving on to other concerns.
   
   • In most cases, you can simply raise your hand or wait for a pause in the conversation to fire off your question.
   • If you’re not in a position to ask a question immediately (such as late at night or in the middle of a presentation), make a note of it so you can bring it up the first chance you get.
2. Word your questions carefully. Ideally, they should be phrased in such a way that they point to the information you’re lacking. You might know what a thing is, but not how it works or why it’s important. How you frame the question can determine the kind of response you get.^[7]
   
   • Stay away from complicated jargon or overly technical terms. Aim to speak in a way that anyone can understand.
   • Avoid influencing your listener with your own judgments. Rather than asking, “Isn't David a great candidate?” try the more neutral, “What did you think of Mr. Miller's proposal?”^[8]
3. Keep it brief. Don’t use any more words than are strictly needed to articulate your question. If you ramble on at length or add lots of qualifications or other extraneous details, your listener can easily get bogged down. For the sake of clarity, each question should boil down to one central theme or idea.^[9]
   
   • If you need to touch on multiple points, do it in a follow up question.^[10]
   • In general, it’s best to stick with short sentences that don’t beat around the bush. Otherwise, your listener may be forced to guess at your meaning.
   • Even a question as difficult to unpack as, "How can we create a more tolerant society?" can be phrased in a simple, straightforward manner.
4. Listen attentively to the answer.^[11] As you’re receiving an answer, be respectful and focus on what the person is saying without interruption. Let them finish explaining themselves before you present a rebuttal or ask a related question. Any uncertainty you feel will likely be cleared up by their response.^[12]
   
   • Maintain eye contact, nod or offer a vocal agreement periodically to let the person know you’re listening.^[13]
   • Now is not the time to interject with doubts or opinions. After all, the whole point of asking was to find out something you don’t already know.
5. Ask follow up questions. The answer you receive may raise further questions, or it may hint at new information. Once you’ve asked your initial question, you can zoom in to get a clearer sense of the ideas that are being conveyed. Give the other person a chance to explain their viewpoint more thoroughly, or shift the discussion from stating facts to coming up with practical solutions.
   
   • It can be advantageous to approach the topic from different angles. If your first question is, “What is the biggest obstacle facing this project?,” the next one could be, “How can we resolve the issue quickly and efficiently?”^[14]
   • Narrow down subsequent questions as you deliver them—start by presenting an overview of the subject, then work your way into the nitty-gritty details.

Types of Questions to Ask Questions

1. Request specific information. When there’s something you need to know, asking directly is often the best way to find out. Your question might be as simple as, “What time is it?” or as complex as, “How is ribosomal RNA produced?”, but in either case, you’ll be better off once you ask.^[15]
   
   • Arriving at the right answer promptly will be most useful in situations where your ability to succeed depends on having all the facts, like when you’re studying for an exam or in need of directions.
   • Developing a habit of asking thoughtful questions every day is one of the first steps to becoming a lifelong learner.^[16]
2. Find out someone’s thoughts or opinions. Sometimes, our most striking ideas are the result of other people’s observations. Whenever you can, encourage your listener to give you their reading of a particular issue or event. Asking someone how they feel allows them to share their unique perspective, which could bring things to your attention that you hadn’t previously considered.^[17]
   
   • Asking inclusive questions that get the people around you involved and thinking is essential for building camaraderie, whether they’re a coworker or a casual acquaintance.^[18]
   • These types of questions also have a positive effect on relationships because they show that you care about what the other person has to say.
3. Ask open-ended questions. Try not to limit your questions to a set of prescribed options (“Is holistic medicine a good or bad thing?”). It’s better to keep them abstract to make room for a wider range of possible responses. Open-ended prompts are useful for sparking deep discussions that have the potential to lead to enlightening breakthroughs.^[19]
   
   • Whereas “Did you like my painting?” invites a simple “yes” or “no” response, “What did you think about the exhibit?” invites the listener to elaborate on their impressions freely.^[20]
   • Abstract questioning challenges listeners to draw their own conclusions rather than being guided toward a conventional answer.

Video

Tips

• Familiarize yourself with the six common question words (“who,” “what,” “when,” “where,” “why” and “how”) and use the one that’s most appropriate for the situation.
• Don’t be afraid to put your questions out there when they arise—the more you ask, the more you’ll learn.
• Be ready to accept answers with an open mind. If you’re stubborn or treat the answer with disinterest, you won’t benefit from what you’re being told.
• Assume you know less than you do. You may discover that you were misinformed about a certain subject.

Warnings

• Avoid asking questions that might be interpreted as rude or insulting. This is likely to alienate the listener, which will only hurt your chances of reaching a place of mutual understanding.

References

1. ↑ [v161440_b01]. 11 June 2020.
2. ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/michaellindenmayer/2013/06/18/ask-great-question-leadership-skills-of-socrates/#3d6002259879
3. ↑ https://bigthink.com/think-tank/want-to-lead-learn-to-ask-the-right-questions
4. ↑ https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/how-amazingly-good-asking-questions.html
5. ↑ https://www.thindifference.com/2016/07/ask-better-questions/
6. ↑ https://www.inc.com/kat-boogaard/5-mistakes-youre-making-when-asking-questions.html
7. ↑ https://www.dummies.com/careers/find-a-job/interviews/ten-tips-for-asking-good-questions/
8. ↑ https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/5-ways-to-ask-the-perfect-question.html
9. ↑ https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/5-ways-to-ask-the-perfect-question.html
10. ↑ https://www.dummies.com/careers/find-a-job/interviews/ten-tips-for-asking-good-questions/
11. ↑ [v161440_b01]. 11 June 2020.
12. ↑ https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/how-amazingly-good-asking-questions.html
13. ↑ https://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm
14. ↑ https://michaelhyatt.com/asking-more-powerful-questions.html
15. ↑ https://globaldigitalcitizen.org/ask-good-questions-infographic
16. ↑ https://trainingmag.com/how-become-lifelong-learner
17. ↑ https://michaelhyatt.com/asking-more-powerful-questions.html
18. ↑ https://www.fastcompany.com/3043487/how-to-ask-better-questions
19. ↑ https://www.dummies.com/careers/find-a-job/interviews/ten-tips-for-asking-good-questions/
20. ↑ https://www.thindifference.com/2016/07/ask-better-questions/

How to Prune Tomatoes

Plus, the benefits of trimming tomato plants

Pruning is an important part of keeping your tomato plant productive and healthy, and fortunately, it’s super easy to get started! In this article, we’re providing the ultimate guide on pruning tomatoes so you get the largest, juiciest fruit. We also talked to plant and gardening specialists about why you should prune and the best type of soil to grow tomatoes in.

How to Trim Tomato Plants for the Best Yield

Prune the suckers (the small shoots between the main stem and branches) below the lowest flower cluster on your plant. You can leave 1-2 thicker suckers near the top to maximize growth and fruit production. Remove any low, yellowing, or diseased leaves, and top your plant 30 days before the first expected frost.

Steps

How to Prune Tomatoes

1. Determine your variety and only prune indeterminate tomatoes. According to edible gardening expert Erin Hostetler, “you don’t want to prune determinate tomatoes...because you [reduce] your yields by doing that.”^[1] Determinate tomatoes only grow to a certain height and are more compact, while indeterminate tomatoes keep growing throughout the season and are more vine-like.^[2]Here are some common varieties of each:
   
   • Indeterminate: Beefsteak, Big Boy, Brandywine, Sungold, Sweet Million, Cherokee Purple, and most cherry, heirloom, and dwarf varieties.
   • Determinate: Roma, Rutgers, Early Girl, Patio, Zebra Cherry, Celebrity, San Marzano Nano, Amish Paste, Marglobe, Amelia, Better Bush, Heinz Classic, and Mountain Pride.
2. Remove all suckers below the first flower cluster. A “sucker” is a tiny branch sprouting between the main stalk of the tomato plant and an established branch, usually growing at a 45° angle from the plant. If the sucker is less than 2 inches long, you can simply grab the base between your thumb and forefinger and pinch it off. If it’s longer, use sanitized garden shears to make a clean cut as close to the main stem as possible.^[3]
   
   • It’s best to remove suckers when they’re small. Once the suckers grow thicker than a pencil, they will leave a large wound behind when removed.^[4]
   • You want to remove all the suckers below the lowest flower cluster so they don’t take away energy from fruit production. Removing the suckers ensures that most of the nutrients are sent to the fruits, instead of being wasted on the growing tips.^[5]
   • If you live in a warmer zone, however, follow the “Missouri pruning” method and pinch off the leaflets on the end of each sucker, leaving the 2 base leaflets in place. They can help shade the fruit and prevent sunscald.
3. Leave up to 4 suckers on the tomato plant to increase your yield (optional). If you have the space and support for a multi-vine system, you can keep a few suckers higher up on your plant. These suckers will act as secondary stems to support more growth and fruit.^[6] Generally, people keep 1-2 thicker suckers near the top of their plant, but you can leave up to 4 suckers—any more than that will yield smaller fruit.
   
   • If you decide to keep a sucker, treat it like a second main stem. Prune its own suckers regularly and make sure it's supported with a stake or tie.
4. Trim lower leaves that touch the ground to prevent disease. Removing the lower 6-12 inches of leaves can prevent blight and soil-borne diseases from splashing onto your plant when raindrops hit the ground.^[7] Just bend each leaf upwards and then downwards until you hear a soft snap. If the leaves only bend and do not snap, use a sharp knife or pruning shears to cut them off close to the stem.^[8]
   
   • If you live in a warmer zone, you can keep some lower leaves on your plant to shade the ground and prevent sunscald. Just remove damaged or yellow leaves, as well as leaves that touch the soil.
   • If your plant is in a humid environment, such as a greenhouse, remove everything below the first flower cluster to improve ventilation. Humidity can make it easier for sicknesses to flourish, plus cause the wounds created while pruning to dry up more slowly, making the plant vulnerable.^[9]
5. Top your plant about 30 days before the first expected frost. To speed up ripening of the remaining fruit, you need to “top” your plant, or remove the growing tips of each main stem. This forces your plant to stop making flowers and redirect its energy into growing larger fruit. Just take clean gardening shears and cut right above the flower cluster.^[10]
   

When to Prune Tomatoes

1. Start pruning when the plant is 12-18 inches tall. Wait for the first tomato flowers to open and for the plant to be established. This usually happens in late June or early July. During the first 6 weeks, you may need to prune the suckers once or twice a week since they grow quickly.^[11] Afterwards, continue pruning every 10-14 days.^[12]
   
   • Stop pruning 1-2 weeks before your first harvest so the plant can produce canopies that protect its fruits from sunscald.

Why should I prune my tomatoes?

1. Pruning improves airflow and increases your fruit production. Pruning allows your plant to “put energy into a way that it can be most productive,” says Hostetler.^[13] Removing extra growth forces your plant to focus on producing larger, healthier tomatoes, which also helps the fruit ripen more quickly. Getting rid of dense, crowded leaves in the center of the plant also improves airflow and prevents diseases, such as blight and mildew.^[14]
   
   • You can also “strategically prune horizontal growth on the plants to increase airflow, which increases fruit production, and overall health,” says Hostetler.^[15]

When is it too late to prune tomatoes?

1. It’s never too late to prune, but avoid heavy pruning late in the season. Generally, you can always trim small suckers near the base and yellow or diseased leaves, but you should avoid removing lots of suckers (especially thick ones) if your plant is fully grown and loaded with fruit.^[16] Heavy pruning at the end of the season can stress your plant and interfere with your harvest.
   

Video

Tips

• Make sure the indeterminate tomatoes are tied to supports after flowering occurs. Otherwise, the vine will grow along the ground and won't produce healthy tomatoes.
• In most cases, you should not prune determinate tomatoes. However, you can remove dead or yellowing leaves to prevent disease, or lightly trim the center to improve airflow.
• Capanelli recommends planting your tomatoes in Fox Farm Ocean Forest Soil because it “has worm castings in it, which are magic for container gardening in any kind of blooming or high demand producing plant.”^[17]

Warnings

• If you find disease on your tomato plant, disinfect all of your tools with rubbing alcohol, especially garden gloves and pruning shears.^[18]
• If you smoke, wash your hands thoroughly with soap and water, and disinfect your pruning equipment before handling tomato plants.^[19]

Related wikiHows

• Grow a Tomato Plant
• Grow Tomatoes from Seeds
• Grow Tomatoes in a Greenhouse
• Grow Tomatoes Upside Down

References

Quick Summary

1. ↑ [v162336_b01]. 4 April 2023.
2. ↑ https://www.gcfb.org/pruning-tomato-plants/
3. ↑ https://www.gcfb.org/pruning-tomato-plants/
4. ↑ https://rvpadmin.cce.cornell.edu/uploads/doc_346.pdf
5. ↑ https://hort.extension.wisc.edu/articles/tomato-pruning/
6. ↑ https://youtu.be/q4IUhZMA9O0?t=515
7. ↑ https://durham.ces.ncsu.edu/2020/06/pruning-for-healthier-more-productive-tomatoes/
8. ↑ https://rvpadmin.cce.cornell.edu/uploads/doc_346.pdf
9. ↑ https://hgic.clemson.edu/factsheet/tomato-diseases-disorders/#:~:text=The+fungus+is+most+active,some+weeds+related+to+tomato https://hgic.clemson.edu/factsheet/tomato-diseases-disorders/
10. ↑ https://www.uvm.edu/extension/news/how-prune-tomato-plants
11. ↑ https://rvpadmin.cce.cornell.edu/uploads/doc_346.pdf
12. ↑ https://hort.extension.wisc.edu/articles/tomato-pruning/
13. ↑ [v162336_b01]. 4 April 2023.
14. ↑ https://hort.extension.wisc.edu/articles/tomato-pruning/
15. ↑ [v162336_b01]. 4 April 2023.
16. ↑ https://rvpadmin.cce.cornell.edu/uploads/doc_346.pdf
17. ↑ [v161590_b01]. 22 September 2020.
18. ↑ https://ucanr.edu/site/uc-master-gardeners-napa-county/tomato-pruning
19. ↑ https://yardandgarden.extension.iastate.edu/how-to/pruning-tomatoes-home-garden

How to Keep a Girl Interested over Text Examples

Texting a girl is a great way to get to know her and learn more about her. Thinking of what to say and making sure your conversation is interesting can be tough, though, especially if you tend to overthink things. We’ve compiled a list of ways you can keep your text convo interesting and never run out of things to say.

Steps

Give her a compliment.

1. It will make her feel good about herself. Plus, you can tell her how cool she is so she gets the message that you like her. If your conversation is getting a little boring, flatter her with something about her personality. Stay away from anything about her looks, since that might make her uncomfortable. Try things like:^[1]
   
   • “I love talking to you. You always know how to make me laugh!”
   • “You have the best taste out of anyone I know. Could you help me pick a birthday gift for my sister?”
   • “I can’t believe you got the best grade in our class. You’re so smart!”

Ask open-ended questions.

1. Pick questions she can’t answer with “yes” or “no.” It will keep your conversation flowing well, and you can answer the questions as you go along, too.^[2] If you think of anything to ask her, try rephrasing it so she answers with a full sentence or a paragraph. Try things like:^[3]
   
   • “Which do you prefer: dogs or cats?”
   • “If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?”
   • “What’s your favorite video game?”

Follow up on something she told you about.

1. Show her that you remember your previous conversations. If there’s anything you two talked about previously that you want to talk about again, bring it up in a funny, casual way. You could also ask her how a specific event went or how her hobbies are going. Try something like:^[4]
   
   • “So, you said you’re Drake’s biggest fan? What’d you think of his latest single?”
   • “You said you had a swim meet yesterday, right? How’d that go?”
   • “Have you been rock climbing a lot this summer? It’s been so nice out!”

Tell her a cool story.

1. You don’t have to brag, but try to show her that you’re interesting.^[5] Maybe you just went on vacation, bought a new car, or got a new pet. If there’s anything cool that just happened to you, tell her about it over text to keep her interested in you. Say something like:^[6]
   
   • “OMG, the craziest thing just happened to me. I went to Starbucks and I saw Jenna Fischer ordering a latte! I was way too nervous to say hi.”
   • “I just adopted a new dog! His name is Rocky, he’s the cutest thing ever.”

Ask her deep questions about herself.

1. Get to know her personally over texts. You can ask about her childhood, her goals, and her aspirations in life. The more you talk about deep things like these, the more you two will form a connection. Ask questions like:^[7]
   
   • “Who are you closest to in your family?”
   • “What’s a happy memory from your childhood?”
   • “Where do you see yourself in 10 years?”

Create an inside joke with her.

1. If you know her IRL, make fun of something silly that’s happened. Maybe you have a math teacher who’s never on time to class, or maybe you saw a really bad movie together last week. Remind her of it and make her laugh by saying something like:^[8]
   
   • “Uh oh, I’m running late today. You might as well call me Mr. Brown.”
   • “Saw a dog today that totally reminded me of the movie we saw. I can’t believe how terrible it was!”

Start a fun debate.

1. Bring up something silly that you two can “fight” over. Pick something totally random, like whether or not a hot dog is a sandwich. It will pique her interest, and you two can disagree over text while having a funny conversation. For instance:^[9]
   
   • “Is Santa Claus evil? Why or why not?”
   • “Being a dog mom is a full time job. Agree or disagree?”
   • “Can soup be a drink?”

Text pics of what you’re up to.

1. Spice up your conversation with a few fun pics. If you’re out and about, text her about what you’re doing and send along a photo to show her your perspective. You can also send her these over Snapchat, but there’s something a little more special about messaging them to her directly.^[10]
   
   • For instance, if you’re watching a football game in person, you might send a pic of the field at half time.
   • Or, if you’re at a water park, take a quick selfie in front of the slides.

Avoid sending one-word responses.

1. This can really throw off a conversation. If she’s asking you questions or sending you messages, don’t reply with just “yup” or “okay.”^[11] She might think you’re not interested, and she could even stop texting you all together.^[12]
   
   • You should also try to avoid texting her more than twice in a row. Sending double texts can seem a little desperate, and you don’t want to come on too strong.

Ask her to meet up in person.

1. Texting is nice, but an in-person convo is even better. If you can, try to steer the conversation toward meeting up in real life as soon as possible.^[13] You can suggest a place to get the ball rolling and see what she says.^[14]
   
   • Say something like, “I’ve had a ton of fun talking to you over text. Would you want to grab coffee this weekend?”
   • Or, “I know you like hiking—wanna show me a trail this weekend?”
   • Instead, wait until you see her in person to dive into serious topics!

Questions and Compliments to Keep a Girl Interested over Text

Sample Questions to Keep Someone Interested over Text

Sample Questions to Keep Someone Interested over Text

Sample Compliments to Keep Someone Interested over Text

Sample Compliments to Keep Someone Interested over Text

Tips

• It’s hard to text somebody 24/7. You can text her as often as you’d like, but try to save some conversation for when you two meet up in person.

References

1. ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/g23841958/how-to-text-a-girl/?slide=4
2. ↑ [v161232_b01]. 5 November 2019.
3. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a34719771/how-to-flirt-over-texts/
4. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=320&v=7FgH_sx0Ujs&feature=youtu.be
5. ↑ [v161232_b01]. 5 November 2019.
6. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42ZYH0hR4Po&t=467s
7. ↑ https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/flirty-text-messages-examples#slide-8
8. ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/g23841958/how-to-text-a-girl/?slide=6
9. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a34719771/how-to-flirt-over-texts/
10. ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/g23841958/how-to-text-a-girl/?slide=8
11. ↑ [v161232_b01]. 5 November 2019.
12. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=165&v=rPegBFyeS4E&feature=youtu.be
13. ↑ [v161232_b01]. 5 November 2019.
14. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=530&v=7FgH_sx0Ujs&feature=youtu.be

How to Love You vs I Love You

These two seemingly similar phrases can actually mean quite different things

So your partner says “love you” instead of “I love you,” or maybe your friend just texted you “I love you,” and despite your best efforts, you can’t figure out what they’re trying to say. Do they love you-love you, or just like you? Deciphering the meaning between these two seemingly similar phrases can be kind of confusing. Isn’t love supposed to be easy? Lucky for you, dear reader, it can be. In this article, we’ll explain the difference between these two phrases and help you decide how to respond.

Steps

What’s the difference between “I love you” and “Love you?”

1. “I love you” is more serious. You’d be surprised what one little “I” in a sentence can do to change the sincerity of a phrase. Saying “I love you” as opposed to “love you” shows a degree of ownership over your emotions for that person and implies that you not only care for them romantically or platonically (friends and family) but that you trust and respect them too.^[1]
   
   • “I love you, Alex. I’ve been feeling this way for a while now and decided I just had to tell you.”
   • “I love you, Jenna. I won the jackpot having you as my child.”
   • “Have I told you that I love you yet today? You’re the best partner anyone could ask for.”
2. “Love you” is more casual. Unlike “I love you,” “love you” is a kind phrase shared between friends, family, or whoever you feel like being nice to. Like “thank you,” “love you” can also be used to express gratitude or appreciation.^[2]
   
   • “You seriously saved my life helping me with that assignment the other night. Love you!”
   • “Love you, see you at Emma’s house tonight.”
   • “Haha, love you. You’re the best!”

Responding to “I Love You”

1. “I’m so glad you told me. I love you too!”{endbold} If you feel lucky to be the recipient of someone’s sincere love for you and want to reciprocate the sentiment, be brave and say it back! The great thing is they’ve already gotten the hardest part out of the way by telling you first.^[3]
   
2. “Thank you for telling me that. I’m going to need some time to think things through.”{endbold} Sometimes, someone confessing their feelings for you can catch you off guard. This example clearly communicates that you need time to process the information you’ve just received.
   
   • If you don't want to hurt the person, try figuring out a way to show appreciation while acknowledging that you're not reciprocating those same feelings in that moment. For instance, you might say that you care about them.^[4]
3. “I’m flattered but I see you more as a friend.”{endbold} If you know you can’t reciprocate your friends’ romantic affection for you, it’s best to communicate openly and honestly. Letting them know your feelings respectfully is the best way to deal with this situation.
   

Responding to “Love You”

1. “You’re the best. Love you too.”{endbold} If you feel comfortable, reciprocate the sentiment. “Love you” can be used super casually between friends to show affection and sometimes even strangers to show playful friendliness, so you don’t need to think too much about saying it back.^[5]
   
2. “Love you, girl!”{endbold} Keep it casual. This fun phrase works great when used in passing or when commenting on a friend’s social media post.
   
3. “Haha, thanks!”{endbold} If saying “love you” makes you uncomfortable, go with your gut and respond in a way that’s true to you. There’s nothing wrong with a simple “thank you.”
   

When to Say “I Love You”

1. Say “I love you” when you want to express deep romantic feelings. Recognizing that you love someone is a beautiful, scary, and exciting thing. If you find yourself wanting to tell your special person that you love them, take the leap and go for it. It’s better to know that you were honest with yourself and them than to live with the regret of “what if?” Who knows, this could be the start of something amazing!^[6]
   
   • “We’ve been dating for a while now, and I want to tell you that I love you.”
   • “Jess, I love you. We’ve been friends for so long, but things have changed for me, and I hope they have for you, too.”
   • “This might come as a surprise to you, but I love you. You don’t have to say it back yet, or if you need some time to think about it. I just had to tell you.”
   • Keep in mind that saying "I love you" usually indicates that you want to be in a committed relationship with this person, so make sure you're ready for that step before taking the plunge.
   • So these may be good signs to look for before saying the big three words!
2. Say “I love you” when you want to express deep platonic love. Whether you care deeply for a friend, family member, or otherwise, “I love you” is appropriate to use in serious moments with the people you value most. “I love you” is always more meaningful than “love you.”^[7]
   
   • “I love you, Mom. Thank you for making me the person I am today.”
   • “Your friendship means so much to me. I love you, Alex.”
   • “You’ve always been there for me through everything, Coach Johnson. I love you.”

When to Say “Love You”

1. Say “love you” when you want to be friendly or say thank you. “Love you” is a fun and casual way to make your friends and family feel special, and it’s so important to let them know you care.^[8] These days, “love you” is used more as a sign of friendliness than as a way to declare your serious feelings for someone.
   
   • “Love you!”
   • “You always make me laugh, love you for that.”
   • “Love you, Jack. See you at school tomorrow.”

When should you say “I am in love with you” vs. “I love you?”

1. Say “I am in love with you” when expressing your feelings for someone for the first time. “I am in love with you” is explicitly reserved for telling someone that you love them romantically. If you’ve fallen and want someone to know for sure, tell them that you are in love with them.^[9]
   
   • “I’m in love with you, Max.”
   • “With all this time we’ve been spending together, I’ve really fallen for you. I am in love with you, Margot.
   • “I do so much for you because I’m in love with you. You deserve it.”
2. Say “I love you” if your romantic feelings are already established. If you’ve already confessed your love for your romantic partner, saying “I love you” whenever you feel inclined to do so is perfectly adequate. Since your partner already knows your feelings for them, you don’t have to say “I am in love with you” every time you want to let them know you care.^[10]
   
   • “Gosh, I love you! You look gorgeous today.”
   • “Thank you for the extra support today. I love you, Erica.”
   • “I love you. You make me so proud to call you my partner.”

Video

References

Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/love-is-a-choice-more-than-a-feeling#tips-to-choose-love
2. ↑ https://licensedmentalhealthcounselor.org/2014/10/23/i-love-you-versus-love-you-is-there-a-difference/
3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-act-be/202003/why-is-it-so-hard-say-i-love-you
4. ↑ [v161878_b01]. 12 August 2021.
5. ↑ https://licensedmentalhealthcounselor.org/2014/10/23/i-love-you-versus-love-you-is-there-a-difference/
6. ↑ https://licensedmentalhealthcounselor.org/2014/10/23/i-love-you-versus-love-you-is-there-a-difference/
7. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/love-is-a-choice-more-than-a-feeling#tips-to-choose-love
8. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/friendships/art-20044860
9. ↑ https://www.livescience.com/33720-14-scientifically-proven-signs-love.html
10. ↑ https://chastity.com/2020/06/when-should-you-say-i-love-you-2/