How to Get a Job With No Experience

Recent graduates often struggle to get a job because many positions, even entry-level jobs, require one to two years of work experience. What most people don't realize is that in many instances they already have the necessary experience and skills. This can come through part-time work, internships, or even volunteer experience. In order to get a job with no experience, you need to leverage the personal and professional experiences you have, highlight your skills and accomplishments, and hone your job hunting skills.

Job-Seeking with No Experience

1. Focus on job listings for entry-level positions.
2. Promote your practical skills on your resume.
3. Explain how those skills transfer to the job.
4. Consider interning or volunteering for experience.
5. Take classes to gain skills.
6. Network with industry experts when you can.

Steps

Developing Work Experience

1. Volunteer in a position related to your desired field. If you are struggling to get a job in your desired field because you don't have enough work experience, you should volunteer in your field. This will help you get some real-life work experience and you will begin to develop some of the skills that will be important to future employers.^[1]
   
   • For instance, if you would like to be a social worker, you could volunteer at a homeless shelter or become a Big Brother or Big Sister.
2. Apply to an internship. Unpaid or even paid internships are an excellent way for entry-level job seekers to gain concrete experience working in the field. Search through online job boards and company websites for internship opportunities.
   
   • For example, some companies will hire a summer intern to take on general office duties such as filing, data entry, and answering phones. This can give you experience working in an office and will allow you to meet people in your field.
3. Develop your expertise. If you are trying to break into fields like writing, film editing, or interior design, create sample products to show to potential employers. For example, if you want to be a writer, you could start a blog. This will demonstrate that you have experience creating written material on a regular basis.^[2]
   
   • You could also offer to do pro bono work for a prominent blog or website and ask for a referral in exchange.
   • This will also help you build your personal portfolio.
4. Get a part-time job. Even if you can't land a job in your desired field, take on a part-time job. Employers will often put some weight onto any form of work experience, even your first part-time job. This early work experience could be leveraged to demonstrate that you have developed communication, customer service, and problem solving skills.
   
   • For example, apply to part-time jobs in retail, fast food, or even serving and bartending. This experience can be invaluable.
   • Working a part-time job is a great way to get references, which a lot of employers look for when they're considering hiring someone.

Highlighting Your Skills and Accomplishments

1. List all of your skills. The reason that employers place so much emphasis on work experience is because they want to ensure that you have developed the skills necessary to complete the job. As a result, it is very important that you clearly list and highlight all relevant skills. Some skills to consider include:^[3]
   
   • Computer skills: This can include working with Windows and Mac operating systems, typing over 60 words per minute, proficiency with PowerPoint or other Microsoft Office programs, web programming, blogging, content management systems, databases, graphic design and more.
   • Communication skills: Includes anything from public speaking, writing, training, and listening to facilitating teamwork.
   • Problem-solving and research skills: Students and bloggers have finely honed research skills that can be an asset to a company. People with organizational or office management skills can also boast exceptional problem solving skills.
   • Managerial or leadership skills: If you have ever led a project at your job, through a charity, or amongst friends, then you have experience developing leadership skills.
2. Relate your skills to your experiences. Although it is essential to know and understand all of the skills that you have developed over the years, it is even more important that you can relate those skills to past work or volunteer experience. This will demonstrate to a potential employer that you have actually put your skills into practice.^[4]
   
   • It is one thing to say “I have excellent written communication skills,” but is even more impressive to say “I have 2,500 followers on my blog, which focuses on creative writing.”
3. Explain how these skills are transferable to the job or industry. You have likely developed numerous skills through extra-curricular activities and the connection between these activities and your dream job, may not be obvious. For example, perhaps your hobby is soccer. This does not immediately transfer to a position in IT, but if you coached a soccer team or organized a league, you can demonstrate that you have concrete leadership abilities.^[5]
   
4. Identify any awards you have won. Awards and recognition can help to give weight to some of the standard statements that are common on a resume. For example, you may state that you are a hard worker. You can back this up by demonstrating that you won an employee of the month award in your previous part-time work. Include on your resume any awards or recognition, from employee of the month, to a top retail associate, to a dean's list commendation. Awards and honours should be listed on your resume to show your dedication and exceptional work ethic.^[6]
   
   • You should also include any awards or recognition you gained through volunteer work.

Honing Your Job Hunting Skills

1. Create an effective resume. In order to help with your job search, you want to have a resume that clearly highlights your skills and relates them to your current job. You can actually organize the experience section of your resume into different skills. For example, you could list communication skills and then provide examples or when and how you have developed those skills through different work, intern, and volunteer positions.
   
   • Always tweak your resume and cover letter to fit the job you are applying for. This will demonstrate to a potential employer that you have taken the time to research and consider the posting.
   • If you're not the strongest writer or you're worried about formatting your resume correctly, ask a friend to help! You can also find resume templates online that will make the process easier for you.
   • Remember to make it scannable in a short amount of time. List things that immediately cause people to think, “This person can probably create value.”
2. Network with people in the industry. Use social media sites, such as LinkedIn to reach out to and meet with people in the industry. You can also network at local community events or job fairs. This network may be able to recommend jobs, help you develop skills, and answer any questions you may have about the industry.^[7]
   
3. Search through online job sites. Use job sites like Monster.com, CareerBuilder.com, Indeed.com, and SimplyHired.com to begin looking for entry-level job titles. These sites will allow you to search for specific jobs or more generally at career fields, such as teaching or advertising.
   
   • Define your search by choosing 0 to 2 years of experience. This will remove jobs that require more experience.
4. Apply to jobs. Most job search engines will allow you to apply for jobs directly through their site. You should apply to as many jobs as possible, even if you do not have all of the required experience that was listed on the job post. For example, the post may say two to three years of experience is preferred. This likely means that they will consider candidates that do not have exactly two years of experience.
   
5. Practice your interviewing skills. In order to be successful in an interview, you should thoroughly research the company. This way you will appear knowledgeable about both the job and company goals and objectives. You should also practice some interview questions with a friend or family member. This will give you an opportunity to speak out loud and determine exactly how you will answer potential questions.^[8]
   
   • This type of preparation will allow you to appear confident and relaxed in an interview setting.
   • Show that you're confident in the experience you do have but also eager to learn more. Employers want to hire people that are driven to succeed.

How Can You Get A Job With No Experience?

Tips

• Apply to multiple jobs, even if you don't fit all of the requirements. Your combined work, education, and skill set may make you an ideal candidate.

References

Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://www.selloutyoursoul.com/2015/09/23/how-do-i-get-a-job-without-experience/
2. ↑ https://www.selloutyoursoul.com/2015/09/23/how-do-i-get-a-job-without-experience/
3. ↑ https://www.fastcompany.com/3046146/how-can-i-get-a-good-job-with-no-experience
4. ↑ https://www.selloutyoursoul.com/2015/09/23/how-do-i-get-a-job-without-experience/
5. ↑ https://www.selloutyoursoul.com/2015/09/23/how-do-i-get-a-job-without-experience/
6. ↑ https://www.selloutyoursoul.com/2015/09/23/how-do-i-get-a-job-without-experience/
7. ↑ https://www.fastcompany.com/3046146/how-can-i-get-a-good-job-with-no-experience
8. ↑ https://www.monster.com/career-advice/article/practice-makes-perfect-how-to-rehearse-for-your-next-job-interview-hot-jobs

How to Deal with Dating Anxiety

Dating can make anyone feel nervous, but it can feel especially tough if you're someone who has anxiety. Fortunately, you can reduce and overcome dating anxiety by changing your mindset to transform your dating experience into something full of fun and play. We'll teach you how to cope with anxiety by focusing on finding connections rather than finding "the one." Plus, we'll teach you how to take the pressure off dating with tools and strategies to manage your feelings of anxiety.

Steps

Changing Your View of Dating

1. Adopt a “practice makes perfect” attitude about dating. Treat dating just like any other skill--you will not be perfect every time, it is a skill that can be practiced, and it takes time and effort to be good at it. Consider each date you go on as a chance to practice your skills rather than a "success or failure" mentality. If you make a mistake, try to laugh at yourself and remind yourself that it’ll make a great story one day.
   
   • Dating is a way of seeing if you enjoy and are compatible with your potential love interest. It is not a test of you overall as a person. If the date does not work out, or it is not a good match, that only means that this particular situation is not a long term one.
   • It’s okay if you have setbacks when it comes to dating. When you’re building a skill, you won’t have a steady path of progress. There are always going to be obstacles.
   • Everyone feels nervous on a first date, and it's normal to make mistakes. You're doing just fine!
2. Focus on making connections with people who interest you. You might be feeling anxious about dating because you feel pressure to fall in love or find a partner. Relieve this pressure by looking at dating as a chance to relate to other people. When you go on a date, get to know the person and search for common interests. It doesn’t matter if it goes farther than a few dates. What’s important is that you’ll have made a connection with them.
   
   • If it helps, create a list of questions you want to ask them before the date. You might ask, “What are you most excited about?” "What do you respect most about your mother or father?" "What's the most thoughtful gift you've received?" or "Tell me about a time that something didn't go as planned but ended up helping you get to where you are now."
3. Stop looking for “the one” on every date. Trying to fall in love is stressful, so it’s understandable that you’d feel anxious. However, you’re probably going to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a good partner, so take the pressure off yourself. Give yourself permission to take your time and go on a lot of dates as you look for a good partner.
   
   • When you meet a person that’s an awful match for you, treat it like a success. You now know something you don’t want in a partner!
4. Be your own source of love and validation to take the pressure off. It can feel like you need a partner to complete you, but this simply isn’t true. The only person who can truly complete you is yourself! Instead of looking for a partner who will meet your needs, figure out what you want and give it to yourself. This will help you approach dating with a relaxed, open mind.
   
   • For instance, tell yourself things like, “You’re enough,” “You can do this,” and “Your hard work is going to pay off.”
   • If you want something, go out and get it for yourself. As an example, buy yourself nice jewelry or start saving for a house.

Coping with Your Feelings

1. Allow yourself to feel your emotions. Give yourself permission to experience your emotions, then try to name how you’re feeling. For instance, you might feel worried, afraid, or confused about dating and relationships. Don’t try to fight your feelings! Letting yourself feel them is the first step to helping them pass.
   
   • You might say to yourself, “I’m feeling really afraid because my last relationship went so badly,” or “I’m worried that all relationships end because my parents got divorced.”
2. Identify the reasons you feel anxious about dating. Think about why you feel nervous and about the relationships you’ve had in the past. Additionally, consider the relationships that your family members had between each other. Then, write down the reasons why you think that dating might make you anxious. Once you know why you’re nervous, you can start to address those concerns.
   
   • For instance, you might realize that you’re anxious because you’ve been used in the past. Similarly, dating might make you nervous because your older sibling had a bad experience with an ex.
3. Express your feelings of anxiety to help you manage them. Keeping your feelings bottled up makes things worse. You need to find a natural release that works for you. Here are some ways you might express your anxiety:^[1]
   
   • Talk to someone about how you feel.
   • Scream into a pillow.
   • Try shaking your body to release your anxious emotions. Work from your shoulders down to your feet, shaking your body as you go.
   • Write your feelings in a journal.
4. Use breathing exercises to calm yourself down. Try the 4-7-8 breathing technique to help you release your emotions. Press your tongue behind the top of your teeth, then inhale through your nose for a 4 count. Hold your breath for a 7 count, then release a whooshing breath to an 8 count. Repeat 3-4 times without pausing between breaths.
   
   • This should help energize you with oxygen, which will help you relieve anxiety and stress.
5. Exercise daily to help release your feelings of anxiety. When you exercise, your body burns off excess energy, which helps reduce your anxiety. Additionally, exercise releases endorphins that make you feel happier. Choose an exercise you enjoy so you’ll be able to do it every day, such as the following:^[2]
   
   • Join a recreational sports team.
   • Take a dance class.
   • Go to the gym with a friend.
   • Walk in nature.
   • Run.
   • Do water aerobics.

Improving Your Dating Life

1. Look for ways to relate to other people in your daily life. Be curious about the people you meet. Ask them questions about themselves, look for common interests, and keep an open mind. Try to share something about yourself, as well. As you get better at relating to people, dating will come more easily.^[3]
   
   • This comes back to making a connection with others. By learning to relate with people, you’ll be more comfortable on dates.
   • For instance, talk to people in line at the grocery store, start a conversation while you’re in a waiting room, or invite your coworkers out to lunch.
2. Try out different ways of flirting with people. Flirting can help you make a quick connection with someone and express an interest in them. Since you can do it without going on a date, it’s a great way to test the waters with people to help you slowly move past your anxieties about dating. Here are some easy ways to flirt:^[4]
   
   • Laugh and smile a lot.
   • Make brief eye contact, then look away.
   • Give the person a compliment.
   • Show off your neck.
   • Touch the person on their arm.
   • Mirror their body language.
   • Ask about a shared interest.
3. Choose fun activities for your dates to avoid awkward conversations. Sitting across from someone at a dinner table can feel really scary, especially if you’ve just met them. Instead of putting the focus of your date on conversation, invite the person on an active date. This will keep you out of your head so you’re less likely to feel anxious. Here are some date ideas:
   
   • Go bowling.
   • Play mini golf.
   • Attend a concert.
   • Take a dancing lesson.
   • Go to a cooking class.
   • Attend a local festival.
4. Focus on what your date is doing or saying to get out of your thoughts. Overthinking things during your date will increase your anxiety. However, you can avoid this by paying close attention to your date. Actively Listen to everything your date says, and repeat what they say back to them. Additionally, watch their body language and how they move so you’re focused on the moment.^[5]
   
   • Don’t worry about figuring out what your date might be thinking. Just be with them in the moment.
   • If your date isn’t saying much, try asking them open-ended questions to encourage them to talk. You might ask, “What’s the most interesting thing about your job?” or “How did you get started with your hobby?”
5. Keep the conversation fun during your first few dates. You might get nervous about dating because it’s difficult to open up to people. However, there’s no rush to reveal everything about yourself. When you first start dating someone, stick to light, fun topics, such as your hobbies or funny stories.^[6]
   
   • For instance, you don’t need to tell them about your past relationships. Instead, talk about your latest interests.

Video

Tips

• Give yourself all the time you need to work through your dating anxiety. You can do this!
• Ask your friends to go on pretend dates with you. This might help you overcome your anxiety.

Warnings

• If your anxiety feels overwhelming, it’s best to talk to a therapist who can help you learn how to manage it.

References

Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://blogs.psychcentral.com/nlp/2018/06/anxiety-in-dating-and-new-relationships/
2. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/anxiety/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20350967
3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201106/how-reduce-dating-anxiety
4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/valley-girl-brain/201203/how-flirt-without-it-seeming-youre-flirting
5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201106/how-reduce-dating-anxiety
6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201106/how-reduce-dating-anxiety

How to Enjoy Being Single

Learn from expert dating coaches on how to embrace singledom

Being single doesn’t have to be all about drinking wine by yourself every night, pining over a romantic comedy, or a distant crush. Being single can give you amazing freedom and provide you with an opportunity to polish your own life skills and deepen your life experience. That way, if and when you do choose to leave the single life behind you will have plenty of independent living under your belt. The key to enjoying your single life is to make the most of your time, take advantage of your freedom, and prepare for a relationship.

Being Happily Single

Focus on yourself—travel the world, find a job that you love, and prioritize your close friendships. Work on personal goals like learning a new skill or developing a self-care routine. You can also prepare for future relationships by reflecting on exes or working on your flaws (with a counselor, if needed).

Steps

Taking Advantage of Your Freedom

1. Define what being single means for you. Regardless of your situation and reason for being single, it's important for you to identify what being single means to you, especially if you do see/think yourself in a relationship in the future. Practice not always needing another person's validation or understanding. Learn to be comfortable being alone, and practice loving and accepting yourself as a single person.
   
   • Find out what other readers love about flying solo on wikiHow's "What do you like about being single?" forum!
2. Take a spontaneous trip. Because you don't have to worry about another person's preferences or schedule, you can go where you want, when you want! You can take a day off of work to make a day trip to an unfamiliar city nearby, or perhaps a weekend trip in your own city, to explore freely.^[1]
   
   • Being single also means you get to choose your destination. You don’t have to compromise or go somewhere you have no interest in being. The choice is all yours.
3. Live in a tent (or a similarly transient lifestyle). If you’ve always wanted to live a vagabond’s life, now is your chance. After all, being in a relationship might interfere with your desire to hop from campsite to campsite, or call the wilderness your home.^[2]
   
   • This option is particularly great if you are young and love to travel. Living in a tent allows you to move about freely, without a house payment or rent, with only a few things to pack up before your next adventure.
   • You don't have to live in a tent to look at your life as an adventure with endless possibilities. Engage with the world around you, be curious, and say YES to every invitation!^[3]
4. Change jobs, if you don’t like your current job. Being in a relationship typically requires you to share your decision-making with another person. This can mean that you are stuck in a job you don’t love to provide security or peace of mind for someone else. If you’re single, you just have to make sure you can take care of yourself, so leave that job you hate behind, and chase a position you’ll love.^[4]
   
   • If you do quit your job, make sure you have another job lined up first: being single and (unintentionally) homeless is not quite as freeing as being single and financially stable.
5. Realize your time is your own. Being in a relationship, while it can be wonderful, means sharing your time and life with another person. Being single, you do not have to worry about letting someone else know if you plan to be out for the evening, or you’re off to make a grocery store run in the early morning--or even if you’d like to take a weekend vacation to another city. Having your time all to yourself can be quite empowering.^[5]
   
   • You do not have to fill up your spare time with activities. If being at home or taking long walks on your own makes you happy, go for it. Having time to yourself means having time to do what you love.
6. Focus on your friendships. Being single doesn’t have to mean being free from all relationships. It can also mean that you have more time and energy to put into your existing friendships. If you have a friend in need, you can rush to their aid without checking in with a partner. If your friends want to go on a trip to a music festival, there’s no one holding you back.^[6]
   
   • Some studies have found that single people can be happier. The key is to make sure you have strong, fulfilling friendships.
   • Remember that your friends are the family you choose. If you don’t have supportive, loving friends, make it a goal to find some. A supportive group of people around you can encourage you to try new things.^[7]

Making the Most of Your Time

1. Learn how to be on your own. Being on your own can be a wonderful thing. Learn how to take care of yourself properly, such as how to cook and clean for yourself, how to keep your home clean, how to wash laundry, and how to manage your time. All of these skills will be invaluable to you both as a singleton and as someone in a relationship.^[8]
   
   • This is not an easy task. You might have to start small, by making yourself breakfast each morning or making a point to iron your work shirts.
   • Taking care of yourself properly means different things to different people. Find what works best for you.
2. Learn a new skill. Take the free time you might otherwise be spending with your significant other and learn a new skill! Whether you sign up for one-on-one singing lessons with a professional, or you hop onto a site such as Skillshare to brush up on graphic design, learning a new skill will keep you busy and enrich your life.^[9]
   
   • Being single is a great time to experiment. If you start learning something new and don’t like it, move on to something else.
   • Once you’ve found your new skill, indulge in it.
3. Practice self-care. Providing the basics for yourself is great, but self-care is even more important. On top of making sure you are fed, groomed, and clean, you’ll need to make sure your “cup” is full. For some, that means taking time every morning to meditate and enjoy a slow cup of tea. For others, that might mean going to the gym four times per week to work on your physique.
   
   • Self-care will look different for everyone. When developing a self-care routine, identify what it is that makes you feel complete and relaxed day-to-day. Make that a priority.
4. Make (and meet) your goals. Make goals as a single person, and budget your time to accomplish them. You can make small goals, such as eating at least three meals per week at home, or you can make large goals, such as having a promotion by this time next year.
   
   • Make goals that matter to you, not anyone else. Doing so will get you further in life and will be far more important in motivating you to achieve your goals.
5. Focus on your career. Take the energy you may have spent on a relationship and pour it into your work. Even if you are not in a job that you hope to make a career of, you can improve your future career prospects by, perhaps, working your way up to manage your store, or building your body to fit the demands of a high-ranking labor position.^[10]
   

Preparing for a Relationship

1. Reflect on past relationships. Past relationships are great for teaching you about yourself and your future relationships. To prepare yourself for the possibility of a new relationship, identify any areas of your past that may have contributed to your break up. Notice anything you may have done to push your partner away or actions you may have done to be controlling or manipulative. Search for ways you can improve your behavior as a partner.^[11]
   
   • Don’t be afraid to take some time for yourself. You don’t need to jump from one relationship to another. Enjoy the in-between times and give yourself time to heal.
2. Work on your flaws. Take some time to reflect on your character, and notice any flaws you might have. Work on those to be a better partner and friend. This can be hard--no one wants to think about their flaws. But identifying and working on them will make you a better person, and will likely even increase your happiness.^[12]
   
   • Perhaps jealousy is a flaw for you. Practice being grateful for what you have.
   • Maybe manipulation comes easy to you. While single, practice saying what you mean, and being honest with yourself and others.
3. Evaluate your likes and dislikes. Many people forego their hobbies in favor of whatever their significant other likes. Take some time to evaluate your likes and dislikes, including your musical taste, your preferences regarding food, drink, and lifestyle, and even what you require from a relationship or partner. This will make you an invaluable partner, as you will know yourself well, and will not bow down to make other people happy.
   
   • This is another great time to experiment. Try new foods, music, or movies. Do activities you’ve never done before. You may discover things you love.
4. Seek help. If your aversion to your single life is insurmountable or feels too overwhelming to sort out by yourself, seek the help of a counselor or therapist. Although you might feel like you are alone in your struggle with being alone, plenty of people struggle to be both happy and single. A qualified professional can give you strategies to cope with your frustration, and may also be able to provide you with a fresh perspective on your situation.^[13]
   
5. Practice mindfulness. Finally, make some room for gratitude and mindfulness in your life. While single, notice the way food feels against your lips and tongue, notice the sounds you hear as you take your dog for a walk, or tune in to your feelings on a particularly stressful day. Mindfulness helps you know your body and mind thoroughly so that you can make more concrete decisions, and develop confidence and ease.^[14]
   
   • Mindfulness can be difficult when you are in a relationship, as a lot of your time and attention are diverted.

Video

Reader Videos

Tips

• Ignore what people think of your relationship status. Your life is yours, and not anyone else’s.
• Make the most of your single time by hanging out with your single friends. They might enjoy being unattached just as much as you.

Related WikiHows

• Enjoy Being Alone
• Enjoy Your Job
• Make Friends

References

Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://psyche.co/guides/how-to-defy-societys-singlism-and-embrace-independent-life
2. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-be-ok-with-being-single/
3. ↑ [v161578_b01]. 29 September 2020.
4. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-be-ok-with-being-single/
5. ↑ https://theawarenesscentre.com/being-single/
6. ↑ https://time.com/5401028/benefits-being-single-experts/
7. ↑ [v161578_b01]. 29 September 2020.
8. ↑ https://medium.com/mind-cafe/how-learning-to-enjoy-being-single-can-make-you-happier-46b03ea4af64
9. ↑ https://theawarenesscentre.com/being-single/
10. ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886922002513
11. ↑ https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.00746/full
12. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-carol-morgan/if-you-dont-like-being-single-you-need-to-read-this_b_6294266.html
13. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/web-loneliness/201404/treating-loneliness-its-more-just-meeting-others
14. ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/07-08/ce-corner

How to Learn to Say No

Many people struggle with saying, "No." If someone asks you for a favor or a commitment, you may feel obligated to say "Yes." Remember, just because you can do something does not mean it is required. Work on considering the best ways to say "No." Think about things like your personal boundaries and the situation at hand. When saying "No," do so in a polite manner that makes your boundaries clear. Work on avoiding guilt after saying "No." Understand you always have a right to turn down an invitation or refuse a favor. It's okay to make yourself and your mental health a priority.

Steps

Considering How to Say No

1. Give yourself permission to say no. Many people have a natural reaction to say "Yes" when they're asked to do someone a favor. Keep in mind, you are never required to say "Yes." It's actually okay to say "No" sometimes. Accept this as you prepare to say "No" to someone. This will help you say "No" with ease.^[1]
   
   • If you never say "No," this can have negative consequences. You can enable someone who relies too much on you for favors. You can also burn out on your own end and lose focus.
   • If you say "No" too often, you may miss out on things that may be good for you. If you're overcommitted to doing things you don't want to do, you won't have much time left for yourself.
   • Make time for the things you really enjoy rather than saying "Yes" as a knee-jerk response. If you, say, agreed to help a friend move all weekend, you may have to turn down an invitation to go on a weekend hiking trip with another group of friends.
2. Establish your personal boundaries. It's always easier to say "No" if you have a reason.^[2] However, that reason does not have to be concrete. Many people think if they can do something, they should. Your reason for saying "No" can be a simple matter of your own personal boundaries. Think about what boundaries you have, and embrace the fact you're allowed to stay true to them.^[3]
   
   • Consider what you are reasonably able to do, and what you actually enjoy doing. You can say "No" to things that drain you or distract you. You can set specific boundaries regarding what you will and will not agree to do.
   • For example, maybe you value solitude. You can set a boundary that you won't go out two nights each weekend. You can use this boundary as a reason for saying "No." For instance, "I would love to go out with you Saturday, but I have plans Friday. I never go out two nights in a row because I get too tired."
   • You can also set boundaries in regard to personal commitments. You can, for example, have a rule that you only volunteer for two charity events per month if this is reasonable for you given your schedule.
3. Be aware of potential persuasion techniques. People often won't take "No" for an answer. If you say "No" to someone, they may use persuasion techniques to try and change your mind. Be aware of potential persuasion techniques so you can establish a firm offense.^[4]
   
   • People may try to guilt you into doing something to reciprocate a favor. Remember, just because someone did you a favor does not mean you owe them. Friends do not keep score.
   • People may also ask twice. If you say "No" to one thing, they may try to get you to agree to a smaller commitment or favor. Remember to be firm. Keep saying "No."
   • A person may also try to get you to do something by comparing you to other people. They may say another person agreed to help. You are not that person. You do not have to do something simply because someone else did.
4. Practice saying "No." It may sound silly, but you can actually practice saying "No" alone. Try standing before a mirror and looking at yourself. Practice giving a firm, "No" to someone so you get comfortable with the words. Many people are nervous about saying "No" and may say "Yes" due to anxiety. Practicing can help quell some of this anxiety.^[5]
   

Saying No

1. Ask for more time before committing.^[6] Your knee-jerk response to being asked for a favor may be to say "Yes." Make a habit of not giving an automatic "Yes" all the time. When asked to do something, instead respond with, "I'll think about it" or "Can I get back to you on that? I'd like to, but I might have something scheduled."^[7]
   
   • Saying "I'll think about it" will usually get the person off your back. This will give you time to genuinely consider your response.
   • After agreeing to think something over, you can decide later whether or not you agree. If you decide against doing something, you can give a firm "No" later.
   • For example, a friend asks if you'll watch her cat over the holiday weekend. Say, "I have to look over my schedule. Let me think about it."
2. Start with a compliment or gratitude. While you should be firm when saying "No," you'll also feel better if you're polite. When letting someone down, soften the blow by starting with a compliment. Express gratitude at having been asked or invited.^[8]
   
   • For example, "I'm glad you feel comfortable asking me to watch Bella. It means a lot knowing that you trust me with your cat because I know how much you care about her."
3. Give a clear "No." After the initial kindness, you can say "No." Be firm here. You want to make it clear you are giving a firm "No" so the person does not press the issue or ask you again.^[9]
   
   • For example, "I just don't really have the time to run back and forth from your place this weekend. I already have a lot of plans with family."
4. Thank and encourage the person. You want to leave things on a good note. You can be firm without being rude or aggressive. Thank the person for thinking of you, and wish them good luck.^[10]
   
   • For example, "Again, I'm glad to know you trust me with Bella. Good luck finding someone else to watch her."

Avoiding Guilt

1. Examine any reasons you avoid saying "No." If you need to learn to say "No," you may avoid it by habit. Think about any underlying reasons you may be uncomfortable turning someone down.^[11] This can help you identify how your inability to say "No" may be irrational.^[12]
   
   • Maybe you're a people pleaser by nature. You may not want to upset other people.
   • You may also avoid confrontation. Even a small confrontation may be stressful for you.
   • You may also worry about making people angry. You may irrationally feel people will not like you if you say "No."
2. Keep in mind that you do not need a reason to say “No.” Some people feel like they have to have a good reason to say no, but this is not the case. If you do not want to do something, then you don’t have to do it. Try to remind yourself of this in situations where you can’t think of a reason to say no.
   
   • For example, if a friend invites you to see a concert with him or her and you simply don’t like live music, then say so. Try saying, “No thanks. I am not a fan of live music, so I am going to sit this one out.”
   • Or, if someone invites you out on a night when you just don’t feel like going anywhere, then try saying, "You know, I really don't feel like coming out tonight, maybe another time."
3. Accept that boundaries are personal and subjective. You need to embrace your own boundaries to work on saying "No." Boundaries are personal, and usually subjective. It's okay if your boundaries are different from someone else's. Be comfortable with your own boundaries and allow yourself to stand by them.^[13]
   
   • Boundaries are a projection of who you are. Therefore, there is no inherent value in boundaries. Your boundaries are not better or worse than another person's.
   • Never compare your boundaries to someone else's. You may, for example, feel guilty that a co-worker is more eager to go to noisy bars for work parties. This is simply off limits to you.
   • Your co-worker may be more extroverted or less shy than you. This is okay. It's okay for you to say "No" to such events, even if others don't, as they violate your personal boundaries.
4. Don't look back after giving an answer. If you tend to ruminate over decisions, this can make saying "No" more difficult. After saying "No," accept your decision and move forward.^[14]
   
   • Focus on how good you feel. If you said "No" to something potentially draining or stressful, you should feel relieved.
   • Prioritize your positive feelings about saying "No." Try to push out feelings of guilt.
5. Understand saying "No" can help you avoid resentment. Saying "Yes" too often could lead to resentment. If you're a people pleaser by nature, you may say "Yes" more frequently than is healthy. If you, for example, agree to help every time a friend needs a favor, you may begin to resent that friend. While you may feel temporarily guilty over saying "No," it's better to deal with momentary guilt than to risk tanking a valuable relationship.^[15]
   
6. Work on building up your self-worth. Part of the reason why some people struggle to say “no” is because they don’t feel like their wants and needs are as important as other people’s wants and needs. To avoid feeling guilty for saying “no,” try to work on building up your self-worth. Some strategies that you might try include:^[16]
   
   • Writing a list of your strengths.
   • Using positive self-talk to encourage yourself.
   • Exploring your interests and making time for yourself.
   • Avoiding comparing yourself to other people.
   • Setting realistic goals for yourself.

What Is The Power Of “No”?

Tips

• Try saying "no" to small things, then work your way up to saying "no" to bigger things.^[17]

Video

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References

Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/of-prisons-and-pathos/202105/how-and-why-to-say-no
2. ↑ [v161520_b01]. 2 October 2020.
3. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/21_ways_to_give_good_no
4. ↑ https://hbr.org/2013/02/nine-practices-to-help-you-say
5. ↑ https://www.mcmillenhealth.org/tamtalks/refusal-skills
6. ↑ [v161520_b01]. 2 October 2020.
7. ↑ https://www.amanet.org/articles/how-to-say-no-assertively/
8. ↑ https://www.npr.org/2020/09/15/913207918/how-to-say-no-for-the-people-pleaser-who-always-says-yes
9. ↑ https://www.apa.org/gradpsych/2013/11/say-no
10. ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/how-to-say-no/
11. ↑ [v161520_b01]. 2 October 2020.
12. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/learning-to-say-no
13. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/setting-healthy-boundaries-in-relationships
14. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/21_ways_to_give_good_no
15. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/21_ways_to_give_good_no
16. ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/tips-and-support/raise-low-self-esteem/
17. ↑ [v161520_b01]. 2 October 2020.